There was a time when I became too good at making myself into a mirror and reflecting other people’s opinions back at them. I became too good at mirroring people’s own emotions back at them and that is why some loved me and many others ignored me for, as is known, the opposite of love is apathy. It was because I knew their secrets. Was able to play the shifting roles too well. I was a chameleon. I was just an empty shell. The barest suggestion of myself. I poured myself out and stuffed the husk back up by drinking in the colors of everyone else. And when there was no one else around, I realized that I didn’t know who I was. I had made myself invisible, colorless.
Honestly, I hate clichés, but sadly, they are true; oftentimes, just overused. So, here it comes (prepare yourself)…just be yourself. Really, that’s what I’ve learned. Honestly, I’d rather be alone with absolutely not a friend in the world (other than Jesus) than have a group of friends who loved the way I resembled them, rather than who I was, for my own uniqueness. And maybe that’s just the introvert in me, but I believe it is this realization that has freed me from that old human fear of what will others think of me? It doesn’t matter.
However, it’s not an easy process. The hardest part is this: you have to know yourself before you can be yourself. Does that make any sense? It’s just that it’s a lot easier to imitate other people and we may begin to think that these false masks are us. But of course, they’re not. Though, like a tree’s bark engulfing an old piece of metal, it will hurt to peel (or even cut) off these false bits. Do it, though. It’s OK if your colors clash with someone else’s. Would you rather have a group of friends who loves you truly for all your quirks and weirdness and even for the times you are annoying (let’s face it, we all are to some point) or a bunch of people who only want you for a vessel they can pour their words and opinions and thoughts into and have them spat back out if only to marvel at the way they sound.
Now, don’t you go floating above the rest of us wrapped in a cloud of yourself. That’s not what I’m saying. What I mean is have a little confidence, guys. Surely you were especially crafted the way you are for a reason. Don’t you want to find out what that is? Don’t waste the way you look, the talents and gifts you have, the passions and revulsions and all the rest just for the fear of rejection. It is a powerful fear, yes, but please take off the masks. Yeah, it’s scary, vulnerable, and even uncomfortable at first, but you have to try this. Really. Live your life. Not the one others want for you to live.
