To The Coach Who Decided I Was Not Good Enough:

I just wanted to say I forgive you. The day you told me I will not be playing basketball my sophomore year of high school shook my entire world, but I never imagined that day would be the last day I was on a basketball court.

Since beginning high school, I put all of my blood, sweat, and tears into the sport. I suffered through multiple injuries, which kept me from the game I loved, but the desire to play never allowed the idea of quitting cross my mind. Even when I could not walk without being in an enormous amount of pain, I still played on.

I understand I was never the best player. If I am being truthful, I was actually the worst player, but there was not a day where I did not give it my all. You missed out on the opportunity to have the best benchwarmer you could imagine, but it is okay. When I say playing varsity basketball was a dream of me, that is all it was. It was just a dream. I never quite thought I would get there, but you never know if you never give it a shot.

The last thing you said to me, was I could be the next Michael Jordan if I work hard enough. You told me it was not the last time I would step onto the court, but you gave me false hope. The following winter, I suffered a tremendous back injury. With a hairline fracture to one of my vertebrae and an inverted tailbone, the injury can never fully heal. I never used to feel back pain, but ever since then I have suffered multiple re-injuries, which has only made matters worse. I could not have imagine going down and not getting back up again during a game or practice. I try to convince myself I would have only made my back worse if I would have tried to play again, but I will never know.

To top it off, the next fall an entire new coaching staff was hired. A coaching staff who had no idea what effort and work I put into the sport. They would have never understood why the worst player at tryouts deserves to be on their team, but it does not stop me from regretting my decision to move on from basketball every day.

Even after my high school years are long gone, I still regret not trying out for the varsity team. I was too afraid of being rejected again, I could simply not put myself through the pain. I try to lie to myself by saying I was too busy or it was God’s way of not putting me through an injury I could never come back from, but the regret never ends.

All I can think is I did not put the work in I should have. If I would have gone to more open gyms or played fall league, maybe you would have put me on the team. Maybe if I would have made it clear to my parents all I wanted to do was play basketball, they would have understood my obsession and supported me. Maybe if I would have done something different, you would have decided I was good enough.

I try to tell myself none of it was my fault and playing basketball was not that important; however, when you put so much into a sport, just for your dream to become unreachable, it hurts. Like I said, the regret never ends, but I do not blame you anymore. I know your goal was to win games, and somebody who could not help you achieve your goals was not worth your time. However, I am not going to lie, it still hurts. Everyday. It has been over five years, and the memory is still fresh in my mind. I have not even been able to muster up the courage to step foot onto a basketball court since then. I can't even manage playing a pickup game or shooting hopes, because it's all too painful for me. I just hope one day I can forgive myself, just like I have forgiven you.

Sincerely,