Looking back at it now I was an idiot. After all the times you had said "I promise it will be different this time," or "I will change," nothing ever ever changed. I do believe in second chances but I never thought I would have believed in 10 chances, or even more than that. But somehow your manipulative words made me think each chance would be better and somehow would be different for the better. That didn't happen and nothing changed. You never failed to let me down again. Constantly ripping my heart out of my chest, and trying to put it back in to make things better, then ripping it right back out again. Putting it back didn't change anything that was done in the past, and it didn't fix the problems. It was hard for me to think you would hurt me again because every single "I love you" made me feel so special and made me so blind to your lies and manipulative words. Every hug, and every kiss, would take my breath away and erase the past pain and heartache you had brought before.
Somehow you would always say the right things that would make me think "He is telling the truth," when my friends stood in front of me telling me to get out when I could. I should have. You walked around with flashing warning signs around you but I refused to obey them. I was blind. I do blame myself for being such an idiot at times. Some of your lies were so obvious but I just wanted to hold onto you as long as I possibly could.
I look back on the past and it makes me cringe, and it makes me sick to my stomach because of how disgusted I am of you as a person. Not only have you put me through stress and heartbreak but you have done it to others. I feel sorry for the next girl you pull into your web of fake "I love you's" and tear-jerking arguments. Because you will never change. You will never be the good guy. You will in my mind be forever known as the boy who can never be trusted. From the outside you put on a show of kindness and respect, until you open up and show your true colors.
You have messed me up in so many ways. But I am more than happy to say that I have changed because of you. Every girl's heart will at some point of their lives be totally broken and I am happy I already went through it. I now know when bad guys like you walk around the corner to stay away. You started off as a best friend and quickly enough killed my trust and respect for yourself and people like you.
You say you have "matured" or "changed" but you have not. And, I can guarantee you never ever will. So thank you for making me stronger, and finally realizing that I am worth so much more than you made me out to be.
