To the boy who never loved me:
First of all, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for trying to force you to love me back. I'm sorry for all the money and gifts I tossed your way. I unrightfully wedged myself into your life with the hopes that you would fall for me. Maybe you would get to know me a little better and see that I'm what you're looking for. Maybe you would smile at the thought of my blonde hair twisting in the wind when we drove around in your truck. Maybe you'd melt when you hear a country song about big, blue eyes because it reminded you of me. But you didn't. You didn't think of me. You didn't even reply to my texts. And I'm sorry that I expected you to. I'm sorry that I made you responsible of my happiness. I'm sorry I manipulated you to where you felt obligated to be around me.
I hate how I wished you would just kiss me when you'd come inches near my face. I hate the way my heart would skip beats when your freckly nose would scrunch up from a smile, and the way you cared about your hair more than I cared about my own. I hated feeling sick when you'd talk about other girls. I'm embarrassed that I'd smile when you'd call me crazy or psycho because it felt like a term of endearment when it rolled off your tongue. But what I hate the most is the desperate way I clung to every word you said. How you told me time after time that you didn't want a relationship with me, but I just kept trying when you all but begged me to stop.
Lastly, thank you. I have to thank you because you showed me that I can love again after my first heartbreak. Even though this is definitely NOT the way I imagined my next love, you taught me so much about myself.
Thank you for showing me how passionate and determined I can be when I have a goal. Thank you for overlooking my worst flaws and sticking with me when I became so annoying you didn't think you could handle it. Thank you for not letting me skip class every single day even though I begged you to run off with me. Thank you for always saying I'm from the Midwest and NOT the North. Thank you for the lessons you didn't even know you were teaching me. You showed me how much I can give my all with receiving nothing in return. You even taught me your silly southern sayings. Most importantly, thank you for never loving me and finally allowing me to move on.
I'll always care about you. See you at 8:15.
