It was the first day of my freshman year of high school when we first met. We were both in the same advanced English class. You were new; didn’t know a single person in the room. I was quiet, always had been, and sticking close to the people I knew. You were put in our group for a first day activity. From then on, you were someone I knew and it wasn’t long until we were friends.

After a few weeks of being simply in-school friends, I found out you lived near my grandmother and that we could walk home together after school. You integrated into my group of friends nicely. We were inseparable by the end of the school year. We hang out at every opportunity we had. It was nice to have another person to call my best friend. I can’t remember what our first fight was about. It was probably something incredibly stupid. I could remember us walking home, but refusing to be on the same side of the street or even acknowledge each other. I think that lasted maybe two days before we apologized and moved on with our lives and our friendship.

Sophomore year started at rough for me. My oldest best friend was moving to a new school system and I wasn’t sure how to handle it or to adjust to it. You never let me be too sad, though. You kept me smiling and laughing and overall happy despite the loss I felt. It was my sophomore year that we really started to become inseparable. We had other friends, of course, but our friendship stood out to me.

I remember when you first met the guy. You really liked him and I hated him. He threatened to break my nose the first time I ever met him. I remember us walking all the way to Bullmoose from your house. I was freezing and scared to talk to you or to him or to his friend. I kept to myself, I was there to support you. I always was. When you started dating him, I supported it despite not wanting to. You guys weren’t together for a super long time at first. I watched him break your heart and I was there for you when you cried.

The summer before junior year started you found out you were moving. You weren’t sure when you would be moving, but you knew you were going to. I was devastated to know that once again I would lose another close friend. After you moved I was a little bit stuck. I wasn’t sure where I was supposed to go and I found myself mixing company with toxic people. Toxic people who ruined my life for a long time. You always told me that they were bad people and yet I never listened.

Despite being an hour away from each other we keep in constant communication for the entirety of our senior year. I told you everything and you told me everything. We hung out whenever we could get rides to and from each other’s house. I remember a bunch of us packing into your mom’s van after she drove all the way to Waterville to get us for your birthday party. I remember it was the same day as homecoming and that we all got ready during your party and went straight to the dance from there. I can’t even remember when this was. Perhaps our junior year still. One of the best memories I have is when we met up at the show choir state competition. You were there with your current boyfriend at the time who you were super excited for me to meet. We got along right away and things were great. We hung out the entire day until it was time for us to go.

I can’t remember when our friendship started turning bad. I know it was the summer right after we graduated and before I had left for college. We had gone to each other’s graduations and cheered each other on. You had broken up with your boyfriend, the one I had met and gotten along with, just a few weeks after graduation. I don’t think you ever told me why, though. You were having a bad day and I couldn’t listen to you vent due to whatever it was I had going on. You told me our friendship was over if I couldn’t stop what I was doing to talk to you. I thought you were bluffing. I told you to stop being dramatic.

It was a couple weeks before we spoke again. I found out you were dating the guy from high school again. The one I didn’t like. I asked you why you were back with him and you asked me why I was still friends with your ex on Facebook. I told you we didn’t talk that we were just friends, but you were mad at me. We didn’t talk again. Not outside of sometimes commenting on the same status or picture. You made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me.

Whenever I think about it I wonder if there was something I could’ve done to save our friendship. I heard you got married to that guy I didn’t like from one of our close mutual friends. I thought about messaging you to say congrats, but I decided you wouldn’t like that. Not after all these years.

I don’t think about our friendship and the end of it as much anymore. Sometimes I’ll go to a restaurant or hear a 3OH!3 song and remember how you introduced them to me and how we used to dance to them in your living room. Sometimes I see old pictures of us on Facebook and remember the time you wore heels that were way too tall for you and you ended up falling down the stairs. It’s the little things that remind me of our friendship.

You’ll probably never read this and I don’t think it’s important that you do. You were one of my best friends for four years of my life and now we aren’t even Facebook friends. You are the best friend that I lost along the way.