Starting a diet is hard. Eating right is hard. But you know what's worse? Walking into work and there is a box doughnuts sitting on the break room table.

So then what do you do when someone tries to hold you accountable to your diet? You sneak one. And this is how....

Imagine a moment where you have been completely famished. You are so hungry that your stomach is eating your back bone and you feel faint. You reach over to your coworker, who can see that your blood sugar is dropping, and you grab onto their arm for dear life. And you tell them that you may be experiencing the beginning signs of starvation. You feel like you could drop like a fly on a sweltering summer day in Mississippi. You just know that the world is growing dim as you start to move in slow motion and your hearing diminishes to a far away whisper. But then, your coworker offers what sounds like a delicate gong in a far away abyss. He says, "I can go to the break room and steal you a doughnut if you'd like." And all of the sudden, you can see that soft glow of a beacon light signaling that you have made it to land. Through the dark and foggy moments of this most horrid day, you can see that you have made it home.

There is only one hitch in your master plan. There is a deranged ogress guarding the feasting table. She paces to and fro, looking over all of the offerings which have been placed upon the alter of food. All of the sweets, which are to never be touched. All of the goodies, which shall never be eaten. You remember the stories that have been told to you... memories of the chosen ones- those who have been given the strength to challenge the ogress. You know that the last chosen one never returned after attempting to take one of those tempting offerings. For in one foul swoop, the strong hand of the ghastly ogress came down and knocked the tribute out of her hand, chopping off part of her arm. She then began to beat the chosen one with her own arm, and kicked her so hard, that she flew out of the enchanted kingdom, never to return again.

So you distressingly walk with him to the break room and pretend to be signing your time sheet while waiting for the ogress to leave her post. When she does, he carefully wraps a doughnut in paper towels and quietly walks out of the room. You are so exhausted, but you manage to walk out of the break room just as your coworker starts to walk away with your doughnut. He is holding it out behind his back for you to grab quietly and keep walking to your hiding place to eat. But your adrenaline starts to run just as you are about to take the stolen doughnut. You see that it is a beautiful, glistening, sweet doughnut. It is the size of your face. Light, fluffy, and it knows just the right way to call your name. And you snatch it from your coworker. You grab the doughnut from his hands, leaving claw marks on his skin. And you run as fast as lightening to a place where no one can see you devour your feast.

You take the first bite, and to your surprise, it is better than you could have ever imagined. You take the second bite, ripping the carefully fried and glazed doughnut to shreds. You take the third bite, leaving sugar droppings all over the floor. But wait. We're not alone. There is a child here, she is watching you. And as you look up, the child stares in fright. You are a scavenger in prey. And as her heart begins to beat again, she flees without explanation. Running for safety against you. You look down to take your fourth and final bite of your now pulverized pastry. Your heart is racing. You can feel the sugar high begin and you are transformed by the carbohydrate intoxication. And without thinking, you shove the fourth and final bite into your mouth and swallow without chewing. You are on top of the world.

And that is how you cheat on your diet with a doughnut. Just in case you were wondering, it was worth it.