25 Ways The Patriarchy Proves I Should Derive Self-Worth From A Heterosexual Relationship
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25 Ways The Patriarchy Proves I Should Derive Self-Worth From A Heterosexual Relationship

Co-written by a gay man and a thirsty woman.

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25 Ways The Patriarchy Proves I Should Derive Self-Worth From A Heterosexual Relationship
Huffington Post

As adamant consumers of journalism and pop culture, as well as active contributors to both fields, we have noticed a less than comfortable increase in a particular genre of articles surfacing across the Internet. They are such articles as, “I’m Engaged At 19 And I Regret Nothing,” “A Long Distance Relationship Doesn’t Mean I’m Unhappy,” “Stop Calling Me Boring Because I Have A Boyfriend,” and, of course, “I Won’t Apologize For Being Best Friends With My Boyfriend.”

Odyssey has even gone so far as to create a subpage to hold all of these articles, as they are being published in unceasing droves. What is the explanation for this? You guessed it: the patriarchy.

We decided it was of undeniable importance that we debunk this concept that people are inherently more valuable if they are in a committed relationship (especially of the monogamous, heterosexual variety). So, here are some examples of the patriarchy’s insistence upon this notion, so that you can avoid them in the future:

1. Television

Specifically, The Bachelor.

2. Valentine's Day

More like Singles Awareness Day AM I RIGHT?!

3. “You have to meet my son/brother/dad/kindergarten teacher’s second cousin’s dog walker, etc.”

Actually, I don’t! :)

4. Any movie about straight people

"The Notebook," "Titanic," "50 Shades of Grey," "The Avengers," "Fast and Furious" 1-7, "Spider Man," "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days," "The Notebook" (again), "Let Me In," "The Bee Movie," almost every Disney movie, and "The Great Gatsby."

5. People Magazine

[rebelmouse-proxy-image https://media.rbl.ms/image?u=%2Ffiles%2F2017%2F02%2F19%2F636231317437223947-915206917_brad-pitt-angelina-jolie-wedding-photos-covers-lead1.jpg%3Fw%3D599&ho=https%3A%2F%2Faz616578.vo.msecnd.net&s=157&h=5017c0b73fedc5cd543e9334c02c246aae0e9c3029d37c22387ca718ed205627&size=980x&c=426822670 crop_info="%7B%22image%22%3A%20%22https%3A//media.rbl.ms/image%3Fu%3D%252Ffiles%252F2017%252F02%252F19%252F636231317437223947-915206917_brad-pitt-angelina-jolie-wedding-photos-covers-lead1.jpg%253Fw%253D599%26ho%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Faz616578.vo.msecnd.net%26s%3D157%26h%3D5017c0b73fedc5cd543e9334c02c246aae0e9c3029d37c22387ca718ed205627%26size%3D980x%26c%3D426822670%22%7D" expand=1 original_size="1x1"]

6. "The Bachelor"

You know, the one on television.

7. “I would date her if she didn't wear so much makeup.”

Thanks! FoRgOt I aSkEd YoU!

8. "The Bachelorette"

You know, the one where they reverse the gender roles.

9. The Bible

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her." Genesis 2:24

10. “There are plenty of fish in the sea!”

There actually aren’t! Over-fishing is a serious environmental issue!

11. The government

Tax breaks for the married. Enough said.

12. “So, are you seeing anyone?”

Oh shoot, I forgot to include someone who isn’t me in my description of me.

13. "The Bachelor in Paradise"

You know, the one where they’re in paradise.

14. “You’ll find love one day!”

Thanks! Or maybe I just won’t!

15. American society

You know, the one that created "The Bachelor."

16. Every dating app in existence

Yes, that includes Grindr.

17. “Is this your boyfriend?”

No, I just have a lot of gay friends. Got a problem?

18. @realDonaldTrump

19. Church

See also: Weddings

20. Almost all literature

"Twilight," "50 Shades of Grey" (again), "The Great Gatsby" (again), all fan fiction in existence, everything Jane Austen has ever written, Nicholas Sparks, The Bible (again), "The Hunger Games," "Divergent," "Harry Potter" (mostly the later ones), anything that features impressionable female characters, and all 256 pages of "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."

21. Instagram

When was the last time your Explore page didn’t feature wedding photos of someone you don’t even know? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

22. Over-appropriated monogamy

“Oh, you’re in an open relationship? That must be so hard.”

23. Cuffing Season

So you can feel even worse than we normally make you feel about being single!

24. #Relatable comedy

“Guys, don’t you hate when your girlfriend can’t decide what restaurant to go to?”

25. "The Bachelor" (again)

We just really hate "The Bachelor."

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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