There is something remarkable to be said about people who have the strength to give second chances. Even third ones.

But there is also something to be said about those who continuously do or say things that hurt people closest to them, even after being aware of the repercussions. Like my mother always said, "A mistake is a mistake the first time you make it, but the next couple of times, it becomes a choice."

Personally, I've always been that girl who gives the benefit of the doubt- and there's nothing wrong with that. This is actually something I value about myself, that I can open my heart up to people and allow them to see the softer sides of me; even when I've been hurt, it has always been a habit of mine to wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see and have equal opportunity to grab hold of it just the same.
The downside of this trait though, is that sometimes I do not allow myself to see when someone is intentionally taking advantage of me, or when someone is putting other thing before our relationship that takes a toll on myself. This can become dangerous to a person's self esteem, their performance in school/at work, and even sometimes, put them in situations that are physically harmful.
So many of us are taught from a young age the "golden rule": "Treat others the way you want to be treated," but at what point did no one think to also tell us, "Only let others treat you the way you'd treat them"?

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that forgiveness is a bad thing, or that "good" people will never let you down.
I am not saying your best friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/family is always going to do right by you, and that the second they don't you should cut them off.
We are all human, and very flawed; we will all make mistakes, and we will never be perfect to a point of never having to apologize to someone at least once or twice (maybe a lot of times) in our lifetime.

What I am saying, is that you are more than entitled to cut off relationships that no longer bring out the best version of "you", or relationships that don't allow you to be yourself without feeling like you have to apologize for who you are.
These relationships that serve no purpose other than bringing you down are considered toxic relationships; and sometimes the longer you force yourself to hold on to them, the bigger of a toll they can take.

Cutting off relationships was always the hardest part for me, and it still is something I struggle with more than anything else for a number of reasons. If you have been feeling put down by someone close to you and can't decide if letting them go is the right thing to do, here are five friendly tips/reminders:

1. You are not selfish for doing something that will help your growth/mental or physical health.

This is a huge thought for me that I still constantly have to remind myself of- it is not selfish to cut off relationships that no longer serve as a benefit to both parties. I always felt as though I was depriving my toxic friend of something- like I wasn't trying hard enough, or forgiving enough. I felt as though a fourth and fifth and sixth chance for the same mistake that they chose to make was supposed to be a given. Truth is, if you have done your part in the friendship and expressed how those choices made you feel, and forgave them then allowed them the chance(s) to fix it- then as a good friend in turn, they should have taken the time to stop doing those things or figure out how to get help for whatever it is that they are struggling with. A relationship is a two way street, and if one end of the street turns into a dead end, then you can't be upset with yourself for sticking a "do not enter" sign down that path.

2. "Letting go" does not always mean making a scene, or being mean.

In order to let a relationship go, it doesn't always mean having a huge fight or posting a "Transformation Thursday" on Instagram with your friend/significant other cropped out of it; It doesn't mean yelling at that toxic-someone at a family gathering, or even calling up their Mother/Sister/Brother to let them know how "terrible" of a person they are. Sometimes it just means not texting back. Or not giving that person as much of your personal time/energy. Sometimes letting a friendship go may also just mean needing some space to see if they will make a change without allowing yourself to be involved. Not all break ups are like the movies portray it; sometimes, things can just go quietly without the drama and everyone is spared a little bit of heartbreak, anger, and embarrassment. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

3. Where you focus your attention is ultimately where you will gain your energy.

Have you ever heard the saying, "You are who you hang out with"? The same reigns true for where you place your attention in regards to your energy. If you are always worrying or thinking about negative things, it will take a toll on your stress level and can effect how you feel/treat others around you. Don't let someone take away your positive energy just because they don't have any of their own.

4. Don't be afraid of being alone.

I always felt like if I had spent so much time with someone, how would I ever meet someone else that I could click with? How could I possibly find a friend that will want to get to know know me, or spend time with me? A lot of thoughts like this, come from having toxic relationships that convince you that you are somehow unworthy of friends who will take the time to get to know you or actually be a good friend to you. Its easy to fall into a routine, or certain "norm" of having certain people around you, even if they are toxic. You can not allow the fear of being alone, or the lie that you are unworthy of a good friendship/relationship scare you from finding someone who will treat you better. I guarantee there is someone, someplace who can't wait to meet someone as amazing as you, and you will never know until you put yourself out there and cut ties with the people who are bringing you down!

5. Do not allow one bad relationship cause you to miss out on another really great one.

Ah, yes- this is one of the biggest things to remember. If you take nothing else form this article, I want you to remember this: not everyone you meet will be exactly the same. We all have our own roads to travel, we all have our own burdens to carry. No person will be exactly the same as the next, and each person has something completely different to offer if given the chance.

We, as humans, learn primarily through history and experience; sometimes, when we have been through a negative experience, we allow it to scare us from repeating the same behavior, even if it is with a completely different person. That fear is burned into our minds, and heartbreak is something we try to avoid as though we can control every person that waltzes into our lives, for the better or worse. Truth is, we are not fortune tellers, and will never be able to control other people or their intentions. You have to let others be themselves, allow yourself to be you, and if you find a connection with another bond then its golden! ENJOY that bond, without fear of the future. I have learned personally, you will miss out on a lot of great memories and experiences if you lock yourself away in fear of being hurt. Sometimes, its just inevitable, but it helps you to grow and learn in the long run. You deserve happiness. You deserve the chance to actively search for those who will bring the most to your life, and they deserve to meet someone as wonderful as you. Kurt Vonnegut Jr. said, "Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place." Be soft and be courageous. You have to believe the best will happen in order to allow it to happen when the opportunity comes to you.

I once read a quote on a coffee mug that said, "You can ask the universe for all the signs you want, but ultimately, we see what we want to see when were ready to see it." Simply meaning, we can wait things out in order to allow them to solve themselves: but sometimes, it just isn't that simple and for a positive change to occur in our lives concerning those we surround ourselves with, we must actively search for the sort of relationships we deserve.
If you are struggling on deciding where the line is between a healthy relationship and a toxic one, here are some helpful links to decipher what could possibly be harmful to your mental/physical health:

Signs of toxicity with family members:

1. http://www.ilanelanzen.com/familyandparenting/10-signs-you-have-toxic-family-members-and-3-things-you-can-do-about-it/

2. http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/signs-time-cut-toxic-family-ties/story?id=27278012

Signs of toxicity in a relationship:

1.http://spiritualityhealth.com/articles/5-signs-you...

2.http://elitedaily.com/dating/13-signs-youre-toxic-...

Signs of toxicity in a friendship:

1. http://www.webmd.com/women/features/toxic-friends-less-friend-more-foe

2. http://www.charismanews.com/culture/55960-9-signs-of-a-toxic-friendship