With 7.5 billion (and counting) people in the world, it doesn’t matter how kind, or accepting, or tolerant you are, you are 100 percent, without a doubt, going to meet people you do not like. You’re going to meet people who rub you the wrong way and push your buttons. You’re going to meet people who do you wrong or make you worse.

They’re going to frustrate you. They’re going to make you feel crazy. They’re going to make you feel petty.

I’ve always wanted to be nice. A good person.

I’ve always wanted to be kind, and patient.

I have always, always, wanted to believe in the inherent goodness of others.

Despite this, I have had the overwhelmingly fortunate experience of meeting people who make me mad, and frustrated, and petty. In some cases, I learned to put my feelings aside. In some cases, you don’t really have a choice. It’s your boss, or a family member, or a teacher whose class you have to pass. It’s your best friend’s best friend, or someone, who, despite your best judgment, you really really care about.

You don’t get to choose who enters your life, but you do get to choose how those people influence you. And you get to choose whether or not they get to stay in your life.

I’ve come to realize that the people who care about you are not shy about it. Personalities clash, and people fight because they’re dynamic and things are always changing, but if it’s meant to work, it will. If someone truly cares, you will feel it, regardless of if they say it or if they show it. They’re not the ones forcing you into a competition you didn’t ask for, or throwing a party the day after your birthday. They’re not the ones putting you down just to keep themselves up. They don’t keep you guessing, or have a group message to talk about you behind your back.

Sometimes, it starts off okay. Sometimes, it takes time for you to realize that this person in your life isn’t good for you. Years into the friendship and you’re suddenly thinking, “I can’t do this anymore.”

The truth is, it’s okay. In the same way that romantic relationships fizzle out or implode, friendships can do the same. Friendship does not have to be forever.

And just because you’re no longer friends with someone doesn’t mean that the years you were friends suddenly mean nothing. You can be done with the person and hold onto the memories.

This past June, I hit a point where I cut someone off.

I wasn’t nice about it, and I regret that. I let my anger get the better of me and I was not nice to her.

But I don’t regret doing it.

I was in her shoes just last year, and I hated it. Knowing someone is making a concentrated effort to remove you from his or her life hurts, especially if it seems abrupt and you can’t understand why. Even when you do understand why, it can still hurt. An explanation isn’t guaranteed to make it all better. In fact, it could very well make it worse. And I’m a big believer in knowing, so I get it. Good or bad, I want to know. But even though asking for an explanation is understandable, if you do, you have to do it kindly, no matter how mad or confused you are. You’ll find that the answer is kinder if the question comes from a place of kindness as well.

In my case, it took some time, but eventually, I accepted the fact that I couldn’t force someone to care about me. And you can’t. If you end up being the one cut off, no matter how sucky it feels, understand that people have the right to be picky about who they surround themselves with.

You have the right to be picky about the people you surround yourself with.

Life happens. People are hard to understand, but I wholeheartedly believe that the people who are meant to be in your life will find their way there.

Be selfish about it. Give an explanation if asked. Be kind when you can, even if it’s inconvenient to you. But don’t ever be sorry for keeping yourself safe. You deserve to be happy. You have no room for toxicity in your life.