I have this problem. And I'm sure that most people do as well.
I am so consumed with the sound of my own voice to the point that I won't even be concerned with the problems that plague my friends. Does that make me a bad listener, a bad friend, a bad person?
Perhaps.
Like so many others, I am a verbal processor, so, talking to others can be helpful for me, but not in the manner that I did before. I would go on for hours, even days, rambling on the same stupid, irrelevant topics, mostly about boys because what girl doesn't obsess over boys. My friends would attempt to give me advice, but I would constantly avoid their fairly rational advice by saying, "Yeah, I get it, but *insert terrible excuse here.* "It didn't matter who said what because in my head, I had to come up with the right answer.
My friends would try to give me the same advice over and over again. And I heard. I listened. I understood. But I didn't take it. I didn't care about the advice. I wasn't going to my friends with my problems because I wanted to get their advice. If I wanted their advice, I would ask for it. That sounds kind of awful, I know, but very truthfully I would ask them for their advice. It's not as though I don't value the advice that they give me, but there are times when I go to them, not necessarily seeking their wisdom, but rather a friend to listen. Maybe I deserve this because I'm not the best of listeners. I will admit that 100 percent. I'm getting better though!
Point is, sometimes, I just need to talk.
I need to work through my problems by myself, but I need the security of someone listening to me and making sure that I am not going mentally insane! But I don't want them to point out everything that I'm doing wrong (although there are times when it may be needed). Sometimes, it just helps to get it all out in the open and just vent. Essentially, I'm a verbal processor.
Truthfully, I like hearing the sound of my voice. It's kind of annoying because I sound like a self-involved narcissist (which I more or less am), but to hear myself verbally processing all the information that is running through my brain feels so good! My body, in a way, feels like a kettle. My brain can only handle so much information. I obtain so many feelings within a certain period of time, and I begin to whistle, like a kettle. If I don't release the steam then things could end up tragically bad. I would lash out on people and show aggression to those that do not deserve that type of attitude. No one deserves to feel the aggression of another. No one.
I now realize that yes, it does feel amazing to release all of your emotions to someone and just vent. But also there can be damaging repercussions for venting too much. But keep in mind that it's not healthy to vent all the time, but if venting is your method of releasing all your emotions, there is a safe and healthy way to vent. According to Psychology Today, venting needs to be done in a way that is not going to overwhelm you and consume you. It really was such an amazing read for me, and puts things into perspective for me. I would still stand by the statement that venting is good.
It is releasing and sometimes you really do just need a friend to listen to you. But if at any point you feel like your venting can become hurtful or damaging to another, then there really isn't a point. Just because you felt hurt, that does not mean that you have to hurt others with your words. The saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," yeah, that's a pile of poop. Words hurt and can do a lot of damage to someone's heart. So be cautious when you are venting and make sure you are talking to someone that you know you can trust and has the utmost respect for the things you are telling him or her.
Or, you can always find another outlet for your emotions. Something similar that has the same effect, to some extent. I have personally found that writing is extremely therapeutic. I mean that's why I'm doing it now. It provides you with the same feeling as venting aloud. And sometimes it's nice to write all of your thoughts down and then maybe read your entry to someone. It helps because then you don't feel as though your vent becomes a rant and that you are being redundant.
To sum it all up, venting is good and it feels nice to get all of your emotions and thoughts out into the open. But it can be damaging, especially if you're talking to the wrong person. There are other ways to release your emotions and thoughts, like writing. But if you feel as though venting is the best way for you then by all means go for it! Just make sure to talk to someone you know you can trust: a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, a childhood friend, etc. But remember, no matter what you are feeling, those feelings are never invalid. Do not think for a moment that it is bad to be upset, mad, sad, or down. We are blessed with feeling emotions. Because along with those sometimes frustrating emotions, we are also able to experience amazing emotions like happiness, joy, and excitement. We get to feel things, and that right there is magnificent.
