Below is a verbatim conversation with the two masterminds behind the impending pet lobster in one of the freshman dorms. Names have been change to protect their identity.

Johnathan is an RBE major and claims that this project will teach me more leadership and responsibilities from owning a pet

Kevin is an ECE major and hopes that owning a lobster will ‘improve his physics grade.’

So, tell the story of you guys having the idea of a pet lobster.

Johnathan: Well we wanted to get a pet, and we wanted it to be very memorable so we decided upon a lobster.

Kevin: We had a lot of work to do on a physics lab, and-- we didn’t want to work on our physics lab…and we just got a little sidetracked, thought of pets, we had just been to, uh, ‘PChops’ [Price Chopper], where we saw that they had lobsters there, so we were pretty excited for that.

And what was the planning for this lobster?

J: So we acquired a tank, and now we have to make it a salt-water tank, and then we have to acquire a lobster and put said lobster in the salt-water tank.

(pause)

K: That’s basically all we have.

What was your research on this?

K: Google searches--

J: Well there was lot of research and development--

K: --a lot of them.

J: --that went into this process, and, uh, the hardest thing is getting the salt levels, getting the salt levels in the tank to like, make sure the lobster lives for more than one like, day.

How far along are you with this?

J: Uh—

K: We would like to say super far along… um, our goal is to finish this project by Friday, so—our parents will be proud of us for owning a pet.

And you currently do not own the lobster.

J: No comment.

(pause)

(To Kevin) You’ve got nothing?

K: I’ve got nothing.

J: No comment.

What is the naming process for this lobster going to be like?

J: His name’s Larry the Lobster.

K: Some people are, um, fighting for Daniels the Third, but—we’ll see, we’ll see how it is.

How would it make you feel if you and your lobster got famous?

K: Um, I feel like the lobster’s the real deserver of the fame, like, I don’t feel like I deserve the fame, I feel like it belongs to the lobster.

J: We’re not quite worthy enough, but like—if the lobster gets to be a media sensation, or have like, internet fame that’d be pretty cool.

K: Yeah.

J: It’s like if a child gets famous, like—yeah cool, you raised it well, but like, it’s really all in the child. Similarly, if our lobster gets famous it would be all in the lobster’s own abilities.

Any further comments?

(pause)

K: I think that’s it. Pretty well covered.

J: Yeah shout out to our RA [redacted], she doesn’t want us to get a lobster, she wants us to fight beta fish instead.

Okay, thank you guys.