8 Types Of Super Smash Bros. Players

8 Types Of Super Smash Bros. Players

Want to find out more about yourself and your friends? Play a couple rounds of Super Smash Bros.
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Nintendo broke the mold when they created the smash hit (pun intended) Super Smash Bros. for the Nintendo 64 in 1999. After selling over a million copies in Japan, the game was brought to America, featuring eight characters right from the get-go (Mario, Donkey Kong, Link, Samus, Yoshi, Kirby, Fox, and Pikachu) and with four unlockable characters (Luigi, Captain Falcon, Ness, and Jigglypuff). It revolutionized the fighting game franchise and brought the joy and bonding of video games to countless homes.

With several sequels spanning almost two decades, the Smash Bros. franchise has morphed into a highly-nuanced, competitive force of nature. The increased levels of customization and character choice have challenged players young and old alike to step up their game (pun intended).

But regardless of the circumstances, version of Smash Bros. you're playing, or style of gameplay, it is important to identify the flavors of Smashers you may punch in the face (virtually, of course). It is essential, as you may need to evaluate your own player habits in order to match the temperature of the room and not cause any real-life brawls. So before you go for broke at Final Destination, here are the 8 types of Smash Bros. players you will potentially face:


1. The Casual Gamer

Description: This is the ideal player to be and to be around. The Casual Gamer is one who has a healthy familiarity with video games, though is not necessarily hardcore (hence "casual"). They have no agenda at parties or friendly gatherings, but rather they just like to have a good time. They enter each game with a great attitude and a spirit of goodwill that your mother wishes you had. This is the best player to have host Smash Bros. sessions, as they will be open to multiple match types and have enough emotional stability to remain friends with all players after the dust settles.

Character Type: They will most likely choose characters who have balanced stats and are relatively easy to use, such as Mario or Donkey Kong. If they are a less-experienced Casual Gamer, they will choose any character that appeals to them at the time with no regard to stats.

Common catch phrase: "What a blast, friends!"


2. The Overly-Competitive Tool

Description: This is the opposite of The Casual Gamer. This player believes they were born to be the very best, though most times they are not the best player of the bunch. Regardless of skill, they are fueled by a desire to win and win by a lot. They will complain about every nuance of the game, no matter how insignificant or unnoticeable to other players, blaming these for any loss. They will take each win or loss personally and will most likely throw controllers if they experience too many losses.

Character Type: Unless House Rules are being implemented (namely that a player has to choose different characters each time they lose until they win again), The Overly-Competitive Tool will exploit the stats of one or a select few characters. Fighter-types like Sheik and Captain Falcon are common, but The Overly-Competitive Tool might be annoyingly skilled with several character types (or at least claim to be).

Common catch phrase: "Oh COME ON, that hitbox was FRIGGIN' RIDICULOUS!!!"


3. The Button-Masher

Description: This player exploits one of the aspects of the Smash Bros. franchise, namely the many flashy buttons that can be used to hurt other characters. "Button-mashing" is gamer jargon for a player who unceremoniously hits buttons with the sole purpose of landing a shot in the dark. The Button-Masher is a troll in every aspect, and will make it a point to degrade the morale of all other players. Ignoring this player both on the battle field and the real world will diminish their effectiveness at spoiling the mood.

Character Type: This player favors characters with spammy, repetitive attacks, such as Kirby and his Down-B move (Stone) or Bowser' B-Move (Fire Breath).

Common catch phrase: "HA HA, got you again!"


4. The Curious George

Description: This player most likely tagged along to the social gathering as a new friend, romantic interest of another player, etc. They are the novice; they have little to no experience whatsoever with video game mechanics, much less those of Smash Bros. They are an easy target for anyone looking to rack up their K.O. count, but most players avoid them out of pity. Conversely, like The Button-Masher, their lack of strategy can make them a loose cannon that you don't want pointed in your direction.

Character Type: This player will be advised to choose a simple character, similar to The Casual Gamer, such as Kirby, Mario, or Pikachu, and will a perfect example of what not to do with these characters.

Common catch phrase: "Wait, which one is the jump button again?"


5. The Shia LaBeouf

Description: This player is a dangerous wild card not to be taken lightly, because they dive in and just... do it. The Shia LaBeouf usually manifests in the form of a sleeper, namely a stealthy, deceitful player who says they "May have played this game once or twice" but whose skills are on par with more advanced players. They do not speak much during battles so as to focus on the task at hand. They are persistent, with a dogmatic nature that is not easily dismayed by defeat. The Shia LaBeouf usually has no qualms about targeting the weaker players such as The Curious George or The Casual Gamer, and will do so without mercy.

Character Type: This player will choose the middle ground of characters, namely those with speed and strength, such as Fox or Sonic (for later versions of Smash Bros) who don't have blatant weaknesses.

Common catch phrase: "I regret nothing."


6. The Veteran

Description: This player is pretty self-explanatory; unlike The Overly-Competitive Tool, The Veteran has actual experience playing the game and consistent, concrete Smash Bros. skills that have been battle-hardened and matured. They know the answers to any questions about the game, and are thus quite helpful to players such as The Curious George. However, the flip side is that their low-key arrogance is often expressed in backhanded compliments, as in The Veteran acts surprised that other characters can match their tactical brilliance. This is a common strategy that The Veteran uses against other players, especially The Overly-Competitive Tool and The Shia LaBeouf, to throw them off and increase their irritability, leading to careless mistakes. It's a battle of the mind, folks.

Character Type: Since The Veteran has a wealth of experience from which to draw, they most likely have an intermediate- to expert-level usability with every character. This means their characters can run the gamut from ninja-types such as Sheik or Zero-Suit Samus to seemingly-harmless characters such as Jigglypuff or Mr. Game & Watch.

Common catch phrase: "Wow, that was a great block; you're getting better!"


7. The Item Whore

Description: Pardon my French, but there is no other way to describe this type of player. The Item Whore lives and breathes to utilize the cornucopia of shiny objects that help (and harm) Smash Bros. fighters. While these items can be fun to use and certainly add excitement to some matches, they can quickly be both abused and hoarded. The Item Whore knows this and rejoices. They will complain until the heat death of the universe for the host to have an Item Battle, which will make any self-respecting player anxious to hold back the bile in their mouth. And if an Item Whore is a host and makes each battle an Item Battle, God help you.

Character Type: This player does not necessarily have a core roster, but they may favor stronger characters, such as Donkey Kong or Bowser, who can lob boxes and items faster and more annoyingly than others and/or reach them more quickly. Moreover, they may choose characters with reflectors (moves that bounce incoming projectiles back from whence they came) such as Mario or Fox, so they can punish other players who deign to use the Item Whore's rightful possessions.

Common catch phrase: "LOOK, A POKÉ BALL! GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!"


8. The amiibo

Description: The brainchild of Nintendo that was included in their latest release, Super Smash Bros. Wii U, is actually an A.I.-equipped demon hell-spawn that should have been destroyed before making it past the prototype stage. Starting from Level 0, it requires the player to raise it, train it, and feed it after every match, a mockery to the beauty and purity of actual childhood. Not only does the amiibo level up after each successful kill/match/life ruined, but it adapts to the fighting styles of any players it comes across. Did you catch that? It adapts. Furthermore, these figurines that emerged from the bleakest plastic womb develop new abilities without any warning. Didn't think you could cause an opponent to explode after doing a perfect block? Amiibos can. Didn't think you could heal just by squatting in place? Amiibos can. Didn't think you could respawn on the map after losing your last life in a stock match? Amiibos. Can. Think twice before placing that gold disc on your Wii U Gamepad, because there's no turning back.

Character Type: Unfortunately, nothing is sacred, and every character in the Super Smash Bros. Wii U version has been immortalized in amiibo form.

Common catch phrase: *Stares silently into the depths of your soul until you are broken



Whether you use this guide to enhance your strategy or belittle your friends, recognizing player types is key to becoming a more intelligent gamer. Armed with this knowledge about your opponents (and yourself), you're one step closer to Smash-ing your way to victory!


Cover Image Credit: HellfireMisc

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A Senior's Last Week Of High School

The bittersweet end.
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Well, this is it. This is what we've worked so hard the last four years - who am I kidding - basically what seems like our whole lives for. This is the very last week we will set foot as a student in our high school's hallways. As most schools are getting ready to set their seniors free at last, it all begins to set in - the excitement, the anxiousness, and also the sentiment and nostalgia.

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Severus Snape Is The Worst, And Here's Why

Albus Severus, sweetie, I'm so sorry...

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I grew up being absolutely obsessed with the Harry Potter franchise. I read the books for the first time in second and third grade, then again in middle school, and for the third time in my last year of high school. Recently, I had a somewhat heated argument with a fellow fan of the books about Severus Snape. As I've reread the Harry Potter books, I've noticed that, although J.K. Rowling tried to give him a redemption arc, he only got worse because of it. Here's why I still think Severus Snape is the absolute worst.

His love for Lily Potter was actually really creepy. When I was younger and reading the books, I always found the fact that he held fast in his love for Lily to be very endearing, even noble. However, rereading it after going through a couple of relationships myself, I've come to realize that the way he pined over her was super creepy. It was understandable during his time at Hogwarts; he was bullied, and she was the only one who "understood" him. However, she showed zero interest, and if that didn't clue him into realizing that he should back off, her involvement with James Potter should have. She was married. He was pining after a married, happy woman. If he truly loved her, he would have realized how happy she was and backed off. Instead, he took it out on her orphan son and wallowed in bitterness and self-pity, which is creepy and extremely uncool. When a girl is kind to a boy during high school (or in this case, wizard school), it's not an open invitation for him to pine for her for the literal rest of his life and romanticizes the absolute @#$% out of her. It's just her being a decent person. Move on, Severus.

He verbally abused teenagers. One of the most shocking examples of this is in The Prisoner of Azkaban when Snape literally told Neville Longbottom that he would kill his beloved toad, Trevor if he got his Shrinking Potion wrong, and then punished him when he managed to make the potion correctly. Furthermore, poor Neville's boggart was literally Snape. The amount of emotional torture Neville must have been enduring from Snape to create this type of debilitating fear must have been almost unbearable, and even if Snape was simply trying to be a "tough" professor, there is no excuse for creating an atmosphere of hostility and fear like he did in his potions class for vulnerable students like Neville. In addition, he ruthlessly tormented Harry (the last living piece of Lily Potter, his supposed "true love," btw), and made fun of Hermione Granger's appearance. Sure, he might have had a terrible life. However, it's simply a mark of poor character to take it out on others, especially when the people you take it out on are your vulnerable students who have no power to stand up to you. Grow up.

He willingly joined a terrorist group and helped them perform genocide and reign over the wizarding world with terror tactics for a couple of decades. No explanation needed as to why this is terrible.

Despite the constant romanticization of his character, I will always see the core of Severus Snape, and that core is a bitter, slimy, genocidal, manipulative trash being. J.K. Rowling's attempt to redeem him only threw obsessive and controlling traits into the mix. Snape is the absolute worst, and romanticizing him only removes criticism of an insane man who just so happened to be capable of love (just like the vast majority of the rest of us). Thank you, next.

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