I consider myself to be a very loyal and true friend. I actually believe it is one of my very best qualities! But I, like so many of us, have been involved in friendships that go one of two ways: They either last forever, or come to a bitter, sour end.
When meeting someone new you have a connection with, I have created a carefully compiled list of questions to test yourself with, to see if the friendship is worth keeping, or if there's a bridge you're better off burning.
1. Respectful disagreement
2. Respecting pre-existing personal relationships
"Is this someone who can acknowledge that I had a life before I met them that may not include them all the time?" Nothing is more infuriating than having a friend who refuses to respect the boundaries of relationships that have existed before they became a part of your life. You're allowed to have a life that doesn't include this person! If your friend makes you feel guilty for just existing in the time before you first went to Sheetz together there's a problem, folks.
3. Silent communication
"Is this someone I can spend time with in silence and not feel like I have to be on?" Sometimes this quality takes some working up to. When meeting new people you really click with it's tempting to be the biggest and most interesting version of yourself in their presence. However, the true test is how your friendship handles the quiet moments. If a friend can't be comfortable just being in your company and saying nothing at all, chances are they see you more as entertainment than friendship.
4. Judgement Free
"Will this person withhold judgement about choices I've made in my past?" This one is huge! Yes we've all made mistakes on mistakes in our lives, and we often see where we were wrong. But it's really important to make a note if this person who is new to your life looks at the things that have happened in your history as reasons to pass judgement. Friendships should start as a clean slate, and any preconceived notions should be talked about right away to make sure you never feel judged or looked down on.
5. Being your full weirdest self
"Is this someone I can be my absolute weirdest with and it doesn't freak them out?" I'm talking running through a hotel in a onesie, talking about your body oddities, passing gas and not apologizing kind of weird. Yes, this takes working up to, you don't want to scare this new person away. But everyone has a weird side of them, and if hinting at this side of you that is the essence of who you were at age 4 freaks them out, it's a deal breaker. You should never have to hide who you are from your friends: Encourage yourself to love that freaky, goofy side of you and not to settle for anyone who doesn't appreciate it.
6. Promises
"If this person promises me something, will they actually come through?" I'm not talking just an informal agreement, I'm talking a promise, a vow. So many of my friendships have ended because I was promised things from friends who went and changed their minds about the severity of the commitment. Unfortunately, a friend who betrays your trust isn't something you can tell right away. But at least it's something to keep in mind as it continues, just so you don't put too much trust in the wrong hands.
7. Being happy for each other
"Is this someone I love enough that I want them to be happy, and they want the same for me?" This is the ticket and the almighty question. There's nothing more important in a friendship than being joyful for each other's successes and triumphs, with no ulterior motives of agendas behind it. Word of advice? Check yourself! If your friend is succeeding and it is making you feel at all jealous or unhappy, that's a problem to talk about right away before it festers into resentment. My favorite people in the world are the types who smile when they see me smiling, and vice versa.
