Spring 2016
The birds are chirping sweet songs. The sun is shining. The cold winter of my OCD is gone and here is a new day.
In the Spring of 2016, things started to turn around for me. I was committed to a college, I was the valedictorian of my high school class of 400 students, and I had a crush on a boy who would soon be my boyfriend.
Everything was falling into place.
My OCD symptoms started to diminish as my final year of high school came to a close. AP exams didn't matter to me as much as they did as the previous year when I would have anxiety attacks studying for them. I find that when I worry less, I am more successful academically. My junior year, I got two 4s and one 5 on my AP exams. However, my senior year of high school, I got two 5s and one 4 on my AP exams. When I stress less, I succeed more.
There was just one more obstacle I had to overcome...
Public speaking.
As the valedictorian, I had to give a speech at graduation. I would deliver this speech in front of thousands of students, families, and friends at Western Connecticut University's auditorium. To me, this was terrifying. I HATED public speaking.
Here's a little story to show you my hatred of public speaking:
For my final exam in Spanish V, I had to give a presentation to the class. There were only eight students - yes, only eight - in my class. Even though there were so few students in my class, I tensed up during my presentation and forgot what I had to say.
I. Totally. Blanked. Out.
My teacher and fellow students were more than supportive of me and urged me to go on, but I was mortified. I then told them, "I can't believe that this is happening. How am I going to deliver my valedictory speech if I can't even deliver a presentation to a class of eight students?"
With many hours of practice of standing on a chair - my makeshift podium - in my living room and delivering my speech, I made sure that I would deliver it perfectly. Since I suffer from OCD, I, of course, made sure that everything was perfect about my speech: the wording, the humor, my actions, etc.
On graduation day, I vividly remember the moment I had to go up to the podium and deliver my speech to thousands of spectators...
My hands were trembling. My heart was beating out of my chest. But, I looked out into the crowd and saw my family and friends shouting and cheering for me. I knew I could do it. Once I got up there, I pretended like I was delivering my speech in my living room. I looked all around me and pretended that it was my empty living room, full of knick-knacks, my couch, loveseat, and picture frames filled with photographs from the past. It was so comforting to think of something so familiar.
And that is how I delivered my speech to perfection. I don't think it was perfection because it was the best speech ever or because I'm a good public speaker. It was perfection because I overcame my fear.
It was also perfection because I quoted High School Musical... but that's beside the point.
"Remember, don’t stick to the status quo because this will be the start of something new. We gotta get our heads in the game of what they call life. "
