The 3 Kinds Of Grief Nobody Talks About

The 3 Kinds Of Grief Nobody Talks About

Remember, there is always light at the end of a tunnel.
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What is grief?

This question comprised of three small words is a multifaceted response to loss that can largely affect our cognitive, emotional, behavioral, physical, and social health. According to clinical psychologists, grief is a natural process of life's interchangeable progression of life. However, the emotional pain and suffering can become unrecognizable by close friends and family - and even ourselves. Since the experience of grief varies from person to person, how we handle catostrophic events is really dependent on our mental health and body stamina. Whether you have experienced a recent death, entered a new stage in your life, or ended a relationship, the important concept to remember is that the grieving process is temporary and eventually, we will emerge from the ashes stronger than ever before.

1. The Loss of a Person We Once Knew

Whether it's losing your best friend or a close family member, sometimes the people we love can change in significant ways. When our lives revolve around someone, their nonexistence in our social orbit can create an emotional imbalance, which causes us to keep some memories that continue to linger on with each passing day. The collision can wreck us, change us, and shift us. For example, I "lost" one of my best friends from high school based on a terrible rumor five years ago. The outward appearance showed two friends who were inseparable and truly complimented one another's personality; however, behind closed doors, the relationship was destructive and manipulated to the point that I became a different person that was unrecognizable in the mirror.

Since my best friend and I continued on different paths, every time I come across a picture of us or watch one of our favorite movies, those precious memories continue to infiltrate my mind. Those precious memories created a cognitive footprint and I know it will take a tremendous amount of strength and courage to emotionally move on from that destructive friendship. Regardless, friends and family will inevitably become present and un-present in our lives, which causes us to mourn the loss of a person we once knew that made a positive or negative life-long impact on each of our lives.

2. The Loss of a Identity We Haven't Lost Yet

According to clinical psychologists, anticipatory grief is a term that refers to the grief felt about someone with a life-limiting illness; friends, family and caregivers often experience it in anticipation of an eventual death. There are only two instances where I experienced anticipatory grief: the loss of my Nana and getting married to my husband. Although these emotional events vary slightly in circumstances, both of these losses are significant in terms of my emotional, behavioral, and cognitive health. All of my plans, thoughts, and the sense of my future — even my sense of safety and security—are now challenged. I absolutely love my husband, but the presumption of our future and "leaving and cleaving from my family" becomes distorted and the unimaginable infiltrated my mind. When we emotionally have to prepare ourselves for a significant loss, it can create a loss of our personal identity.

3. The Loss of a Person We Used to Be

Whether it's waiting for the school bus to pick you up for school or moving into your new house, the evolution of time can drastically change your life. Throughout life, you will overcome some changes in small strides, but the long strides can affect you deeply. Consider getting married and moving into a new house. I may have anticipated this event for years and be overjoyed, but I realize the normality of life will never be the same again.

Over the next couple of weeks and/or months, my personal space and interaction with my immediate family will become limited. When I change my last name, that one contentious act will further solidify that I can never re-enter my previous life that is filled with unbinding love and comfort. My new life and last name will allow myself to re-enter a new phase in my life and create a new establishment with my husband. Each transition in our lives—no matter how positive—has an undercurrent. The thrill of passing a milestone in your live can mark both an accomplishment and maturity that promised new freedom and adventure.

Now, imagine the pain and grief when, through age or disability, you are forced to surrender your new profound freedom and all it has meant. While venturing into new chapters of your life can be exciting, it can create a loss of the person we used to be.

Cover Image Credit: Cross Walk

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I Tried To Lose Weight All My Life But Couldn't Shed The Pounds Until I Turned To God

Now it's easier than ever and I'm never looking back.

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It's amazing how good it feels to get rid of something that has felt like such a tall barrier in your life for so long. For years, and years, honestly, as many years as I can remember, I have felt held back by my weight. It's something that never truly left my mind, whether it was how I looked in my school uniform skort compared to other girls, how I looked in pictures, the thoughts that raced through my head lying in bed that night, or if what I ordered off the menu would make me look fat. It was always something.

Now I have tried, or so I thought I had. I had tried giving up carbs for two weeks, doing workout videos, or eating healthy, occasionally running, or honestly, anything I thought might help a bit. But there I was after a full year of college, heavier than ever.

It was then that I found my secret ingredient, it was then that I found the ultimate weight-loss secret: Prayer.

I found myself amidst a challenge that I didn't know if I was mentally strong enough to handle, faced against temptations of my wildest food dreams. Canes, pizza, chocolate, ice cream, oh my!

I had never thought once about offering up my prayers to God when it came to my weight. I'm not sure why, honestly. It was something that I had struggled with for so long, that it almost felt normal.

Now, when I feel tempted I ask myself a lot if this is the "abundantly more" that God promises us. If it isn't, then I don't pick it. Strength is a process, just like endurance or habits.

I have learned that by offering up the comparisons I feel at the gym, listening to podcasts while running, or Jesus music while practically swimming in my sweat, I am motivated to keep going, not dragged down by the progress I haven't made. I have learned to thank God for the journey He has taken me on so far, and for giving me the capability to overcome these hurdles.

Jesus Didn't die on the cross and tell us to get our butts out there and make disciples of all the nations just for us to sit and be upset with ourselves and compare ourselves to those tiny pictures on our screens. Let's go, we don't have time for that. We have work to do.

No, I'm not saying that if you pray for Jesus to make you lose 15 pounds, the weight will fall off, but I am saying that through Christ, all things are possible, and with Him by my side, the running doesn't feel as difficult.

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Getting Help Doesn't Mean You're Cured For Life

Sometimes, suffering never ends.

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An artist whom I've adored over the years, Demi Lovato, made headlines when she was no longer sober. And recently, she overdosed on a drug.

In the comment sections on multiple social media platforms, many people have blamed Lovato with harsh judgment such as, "She knew what she was doing, she shouldn't have done it." Or, "I thought she already received help. Stop saying, 'Oh, we're praying for you,' while casting judgment on others who have an addiction."

It's appalling that people think addiction is a choice instead of a strong sensation of needing it. People may have had a choice in starting, but trying to end it is even harder.

You never know what they are going through. Yes, life is hard on everybody, but some people handle it differently than others. For instance, say you're having a really bad week or you're in a really rough situation, and one of the ways to feel better, or at least numb, would be to try drinking. There are many people who drink casually, but sometimes, when people drink it more often, such as once a week, then their body may tolerate alcohol even more.

Just because they are going through a hard time, it doesn't mean people should judge.

You don't know the journey they are on, just as they don't know yours either. If you see someone in need, try and be kind because they might need kindness to get them through.

The more their body is tolerant of it, then the more they might drink. There are thousands of reasons why people might pick up a habit. And if they spiral out of control, then it would be nice if someone they know and love point it out and try to get them help.

Once they received the help that they need, they might seem fine. But they could relapse a year or two later, and they might need help again. Just because they've received it one time, it doesn't mean their life will always be happy and satisfied. Sometimes, it's ok to go receive help over and over again. It really depends on your mindset because I know people who are addicted to something can get through it, but it won't be an easy process. I can only imagine.

Once someone starts a bad habit, it might feel like they need to depend on it because nothing else in this world seems reliable. When really, it might be the habit that's taken over your mind that's telling you, "You need me." It takes over your mind, emotions, actions, and motivation.

Bottom line is, show empathy to someone and try to be in their shoes. If you still can't understand then walk away, but don't be rude.

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