Ah, December. Finals Week. The dreaded last haul of the first semester. Sandwiched in between Thanksgiving and Winter break, finals week is the grueling two-week period of absolute misery, stress, and the jittery caffeine overdose that rings out the first semester of a year at school. Here are the ten inevitable phases of finals week that every college student faces:
1. Realization
You come back to school after Thanksgiving Break, somewhat bloated and excited to see people again, when you realize it’s basically December, which means finals are just around the corner. You are unprepared. You probably spent your entire Thanksgiving Break eating and sleeping until noon every day while your backpack gathered dust by the front door where you dropped it the second you got home.
2. The Initial Freak Out
You begin to freak out about the amount of hours you will have to spend re-learning everything from September in all of your classes. You think about all the names, dates, and processes you have to memorize, staring hopelessly at all the bursting notebooks and textbooks spread out before you. You make to-do lists, trying to plan out when everything will eventually get done and set some deadlines for yourself.
3. The Momentary Calm
You feel a little better about everything since you’ve planned your workout and figured out how you’ll handle everything. You start to relax a little because finals are still two weeks away, and you convince yourself you’ll have plenty of time to get it all done. You pat yourself on the back for being so organized and settle into bed to watch one (just one!) episode of Netflix as a reward for being so conscientious.
4. The Second Freak Out
Wait, what? How did you already get to Season 5 of "Friends"? “Just one” episode of Netflix turned into a binge and suddenly you are full blown panic mode, realizing that finals are this week and, although you made lists of all the work you have to do, nothing (productive) has happened yet - although you did learn the difference between a “break up” and “going on a break.”
5. ALL THE CAFFEINE
You gather all your books and trek to the library, coffee in hand. You get through a few chapters and take a break, get another coffee. Don’t want to be dozing off mid-essay! After a few more hours in the library, you go back for more. I mean really, at this point, you should probably just start taking your coffee through an IV because you’ve got a long couple of nights ahead of you.
6. The Self-Pity
Surrounded by empty coffee cups, crumpled snack wrappers, and stacks of paper, you are running very low on confidence and brain-power. You just wish you could put your head into your arms and cry a little bit but if you let your guard down even for a second you know you will fall asleep right there on that miserable little table on the quiet floor of the library and not wake up until New Year’s Eve.
7. The Hardcore Cramming
You wipe away your tears — it's not weakness it's allergies – and maybe do some jumping jacks to boost your mental acumen before buckling down again. You feel like freaking Good Will Hunting with all this speed-reading and writing. You make serious headway in your piles. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel! You can do this!
8. Handing It In
You submit that paper after spell checking and editing in the wee hours before it’s due. You walk into that test, get through the whole thing (like a boss), walk up to the front of the room, and slam that baby down on the table.
9. Sweet Relief
You’re done! No more 30-page articles, no more econ charts, no taxonomic tables to memorize. Well, not until next semester, but until then you’ve got winter break to look forward to, which means naps and food and (hopefully) zero obligations. You high five the first person you see after completing all your tasks. You’re done, baby!
10. Sleep
It’s the only thing you want right now. You get into bed. You don’t get out.
Well, there you have it. Now get out of bed and go to the library. Get ready to experience them yourself! You can do it!
