Something I've began to realize is my never ending ability to over-fill my schedule, double book appointments, and always push myself to the brink of my sanity. Always. Specifically when I came to college I really started pushing myself with 22 units, (24 one semester, God no I’m never doing that again) a full production of an Opera, two jobs and Fraternity. I myself really push myself, but I know I’m not the only one who does this, so why do we do this?
And then there I was at the end of this absolutely horrible week where I actually truly thought I might not make it to the end and all would crumble around me in my despair, but then finally came the moment where everything was finally complete. I took a deep breath into my lungs, which felt like they hadn’t been filled in weeks, and all of a sudden tears came to my eyes and not just baby little glossy eyes, but full alligator tears pouring out of my tear ducts like a dam had broken thus came the emotion of Relief.
This emotion overtook me and nothing had ever felt better in my life like a rush of adrenaline. This feeling felt like I had been transported to the Gates of Heaven and was speaking with Saint Peter himself (because let’s face it; I’ll be bribing my way in at this point!). All of a sudden I had felt so proud of myself to have done what I did and make it through war-torn and all.
So then I thought to myself.. Is this why I push myself to the edge? To get through Hell, but then feel the euphoria of relief? Am I addicted to this drug of an emotion? I doubt know the answers quite yet to these questions, but I do know that this feeling is stronger than anything I have ever encountered in my life other than love.
So tell me Dear Reader, have you ever felt the overwhelming rush of Relief at any time in your life that you were so overtaken that you burst out into emotion? If you have do you wish to always come back to this great feeling? I myself believe that I may be fully addicted to feeling relief and will probably push myself to always feel it along with the inevitable pride that follows. Though my one disclaimer would be to enjoy life while going through it. However hypocritical it might sound to come out of my mouth, many times this week I had people tell me to breathe, relax, this part of your life only happens once and to those people I appreciate you more than you will ever know. Thank you.
