Hello, it's me. Your first born child, remember me? Of course, you don't since it has been only seven years since we cut off communication to each other—and I just wanted to reach out and say thank you.
Thank you for being some sort of father for the first maybe nine or ten years of my life. You might have been working all the time but there were moments you were there like when I was in cub scouts making the wooden cars for the pine wood derbies, the handful of sporting events you attended and the very few other memories I have of us that have not been tainted. But this isn't the thank you the handful of kind things you did. This is a thank you for showing me who I shouldn't be when I become a father with just a small sample of the things I felt okay with sharing.
Thank you for showing me how not to be a father of divorce. Although if/when I do find the right person and decided to become husband and wife, my goal is to work through situations and not end in a failed marriage. But if for some reason that does not work and I do end up in a divorce, I can promise you I won't end up how you did.
Thank you for showing me what not to do when you have children. I won't lock myself in my room to sleep. I won't be taking things I shouldn't be. I won't be drinking constantly. Let's not forget about the birthdays and Christmas holidays that you forgot about and had to either run out last minute the day of or the famous line of "I'll bring you to the store and you can just pick out what you want." Showing that you didn't know your children and the things that they liked.
But thank you for not being there as a dad. Because of that, I was given someone better. Someone who has been there for me for myself and my siblings for 13 years and shown me what it's like to have a father who cares for you, shows up to any kind of event you have no matter how big or small. Someone who takes the time to ask how my day is going and is always interested in what is going on in my life. Someone who although is not related to me by blood, shows me how to be a dad and that I'm proud to consider a dad.
So thank you father, for slapping me with your last name and the lovely gift of being James Michael Carney JR. Hopefully I can turn this last name and full name that I've seen as a curse over the years into something of good for the future. And thank you to Jay, the man who has been there for me the last 13 years and showed me how to actually be a father after being thrown into the crazy world of raising four children right in the middle of their childhood.
