A Thank You Note To My Constant

A Thank You Note To My Constant

This article is my first thank you note in my series I am starting.

Over the next few weeks, I will be starting a series of Thank You notes to people and places that have had a huge impact on me.

I think anyone who has/had any sort of anxiety, depression, or mental struggle can admit that having a constant supporter is so important. Life with OCD is one roller coaster for sure. One day you are fine and the next something sets you off. My life craved for something to be constant, and in 2015 I received just that.

You see, I have been through a handful of friends growing up. They would come and go for typical reasons such as getting married, going off to college, and etc. However, some did leave for reasons I still don't know. I was used to nothing being constant and having to constantly confide in someone that I didn't know if they were going to stay. I have spent a plenty of nights shedding tears over friendships. I understand that having friends for a season is normal, but I just wanted one person to stick around through thick and thin.

October 17, 2015, I started officially dating my boyfriend Asa. I knew he was something special, but I had no idea how special he would become to me. This guy has seen me have full blown panic attacks and cry into his shirt leaving a huge blob of mascara. I've told him my deepest and darkest thoughts and yet he was still standing right in front of me with open arms. He wasn't super aware of what exactly OCD was but he was open to learning and open to help me heal.

You see, he wasn't just there for a couple months and then decided I was too much. He saw me for who I was, not for what I had. That in itself made me so happy and more confident in who I was. I can't say thank you enough to him. Thank you for being my constant Asa. Thank you for standing by my side on my good and bad days.

To those of you who have a struggle with anxiety, depression, etc. and have a constant supporter, thank them. Having a constant friend or boyfriend is a huge blessing that some of us take for granted. I wouldn't be where I am today without the support he has shown me.

Cover Image Credit: Chobir Dokan

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved

To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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"Drink more water" — every health advice article ever.


As everybody always gets told, water is the best way to have clear skin, no headaches, and better skin tones. Well, it's easier said than done, because unless you are a water junkie; you will want to pick that cup of coffee, tea, or yummy pop instead. I know for me that since I actually started increasing my water intake, it truly made an impact.

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