I was by no means the coolest girl in my high school class, but I certainly was well-liked. If you asked anyone, they would probably describe me as "so nice" or "very friendly" or "wicked easy to talk to," and I took pride in those things. As far as I knew, I hadn't made any enemies. It was easy for me to socialize with any group, so I felt like I fit in everywhere. I had my close friends, but considered almost everyone else I graduated with (over 400 students) my friends, too.

I was the only person I was aware of who had no qualms about going to college. Everyone was talking in whispers about the things that scared them most and I just couldn't stop thinking about all the new friends I was going to have. I'm a fairly confident individual and went into college feeling like I had a lot to bring to the table. Unfortunately, my freshman year didn't exactly go as planned.

I hear a lot of people say that college got them out of their shell, but for me, a girl who never had a shell in the first place, college built me a massive one and scared me as deep into it as I could manage.

About a month into college, the only real friend I had was my roommate, who I knew before move-in. I became a member and was slowly squeezed out of multiple different friend groups and I felt so out of place; no one wanted me. A mix of frustration and loneliness swelled inside me at every social gathering I attended. I started to question whether I had actually always had a false sense of confidence. Was I really as good a person as I thought? Did I deserve all the friends I had in high school?

Then I went to a football game with a girl who lived a few doors down from me. I went into it, confidence shattered, assuming it would be awkward and forced- something I was becoming increasingly used to. Fortunately, as we talked, we realized we were extremely similar and I noticed her hinting at being disappointed in college, so I began to hint at it, too. Finally, she burst out, "I think I peaked in high school," and I was the happiest I had been in ages. We both teared up, finally having found someone who got what we were going through. Surrounded by social butterflies who were flying higher than ever and wallflowers, slowly peeling themselves out of their hiding places, Maya and I found each other- the confident girls who were surprisingly struggling.

A few days later, before I went to sleep, after spending the night doing homework in my room with Maya, I noticed a note in the corner of my one of my notebooks.

"Hi, I love you. You're going to peak with me. You didn't peak in high school. I love you girl and so will everyone else. -Maya"

(Pause for a second and just think about how f*cking cute and thoughtful that is. It's the little things in life, Maya.) Anyways...

Spoiler alert: everyone else didn't love me. To summarize most of my first year of college, it was a disaster. Many times, I thought I found my group; however, girls I considered my best friends ended up hating me over misunderstandings and arguments about boys- things I had genuinely never experienced. Maya continued to be a separate friend I could count on for lunches, homework dates, deep talks, movie nights, etc. My roommate and best friend ended up leaving school for mental health reasons. And eventually, I became a victim of what I begrudgingly admit to be bullying, which I thought, having steered clear of it my entire life, I would never have to face.

For a long time, I thought over-confidence had been my fatal flaw. I was expecting my outgoing, crazy, over the top personality to be just as well-recieved as it had been by the people I grew up with and when it wasn't, I was at a complete loss. I mistakingly assumed that these people I had just met would love me through any mistake I made, the way my friends at home did. When they didn't, I was shocked. And when they threatened me, glared at me in the halls and slut-shamed me, I simply had no idea how to react.

I fell into what I can only categorize as a mild depression. I made it to most of my classes, but stayed in my room otherwise, eating peanut butter from the jar, crying and feeling alone. I never imagined this would be my college experience- in a spotlight, judged for every single move I made, until finally I stopped making moves entirely.

Maya lived just around the corner through it all, until finally I realized I didn't need any friends but her (and then her group of friends who she later introduced me to, thank God, love you people). The note she had written in my notebook always served as a reminder that she was only a few steps away and that she understood. She was also outgoing, crazy and over the top. She was my soul sister and though we both came to college confident, we ended up having a tough time and learned to lean on each other for support.

So, with all of that being said,

My dear Maya,

Without knowing it, you pulled me out of my depression. You gave me a place to be myself. You never judged me. You always listened to my side of every story. For the first time in my life, I was seriously questioning my self worth and you were there to tell me that my mistakes do not define me. Better yet, you showed me that everyone messes up, but true friends stick together through the ups and downs.

True friends know, without a shadow of the doubt, that the people they surround themselves with are good people. Thank you for reminding me that I'm a good person when I wasn't sure anymore. Though I'm deeply sorry I even attempted to find anyone else to spend my time with when you were there all along, I am faintly glad I went through what I did. In experiencing this, I gained a different type of confidence than either of us had going into college. It's easy to be self-assured when everyone already likes you. Now I know how to love myself when almost everyone dislikes me. I know how to happily have a few close friends and accept that I"ll never please everyone. But, most importantly, all this sh*t brought me to you- a friend who supports me in everything I do.

To my better half: Thanks for staying when everyone else walked away. I can't wait to peak with you.