For the nights I laid awake balling my eyes out.

For the nights I felt like I was the only person in the world and I had to carry it on my shoulders.

For the times I felt nearly crippled with anxiety to the point of gasping for air because of you.

For the constant worry of when the next battle in my heart and mind would happen.

For the days I skipped out on plans, friends and family because of you.

For the friendships and relationships you ruined.

For the brokenness.

For the wounds.

For the pity.

For the self-hate.

For the pain.

For everything you and I put me though ...

Thank you.

Thank you for never letting me put my guard down because I know how hard I take it when I am let down.

Thank you for the gut checks when I get cocky about things.

You have been the hardest battle I have ever faced but I wouldn't be who I am without you. I hate what you have done to me. I really do if I am blunt about it. It has taken me a very long time to get to this point but I wouldn't change your presence in my life. I'm sure that view will change several times in the next few years but at this point I am OK with it because of what having you present has taught me.

I have learned how to protect myself and heart at all costs. I am guarded and it takes a lot for me to open up, but it makes the times that I do that much more important. It gives them greater value. I have learned that I am okay on my own. I have been alone at the times that I was at my worst and I have survived them. Doing so gives me a sense of empowerment and fearlessness. I have learned to value the good times. I know that they are sometimes few and far between and I have learned to embrace them and hold onto them for dear life. Most importantly I have learned to love. I have learned to love those around me in spite of what their covers show as mine is a constant smile even when my heart is turned around and upside down.

Some see you as a monster. A pain. A heartache. A blackness. A void. A havoc. Chaos. Destruction. Sadness. Darkness. Numbness. By no means am I disagreeing. You have been all these things to me, but sitting on top of the hill, currently I see you as something I overcame. And I thank you for the strength that came with that. I would never say I have a love/hate relationship with you because it is far from that. I have never loved you, but have hated you many a times. However, you have been present for and even produced some of my favorite battle scars and for that I stand here thankful. Until the next valley.