Dear Selfish Boy,
As I am writing this, it’s been 5 months and 21 days since you ended what I thought for sure was “always and forever.” 171 days since you said goodbye to me there on your front porch that Monday evening. You used to count the months and days we were together. It was kind of your thing I guess because you said our love was infinite and each amount of time was just a short time because we would last forever… although you promised me always and forever... here I am counting the days since you shattered my heart into a thousand pieces.
Although I could go on forever about how much I miss you and how my heart is incomplete without you... that’s not what this letter is about. This is me thanking you for giving me a fairy-tale with nothing, but amazing memories to last a lifetime. This is me thanking you for putting me before you and without a doubt thinking of what would be best for us both in the long run.
This is me thanking you for not only giving me butterflies every second we were together but for the extraordinary fireworks I felt all over just by being in your presence. This is me thanking you for loving me unconditionally in the amount of time we were together and still caring for me even when we’re apart. So much of me wants to hate you and wish we never met, but I can’t and I never will because you were the very best of me and a significant part of my life.
Since we’ve been broken up, I’ve come to realize not all fairytales have a happy ending, but they all have a purpose. I have yet to meet anyone who has the kind of love we once shared. You made me feel like an absolute princess and like there was no one else in this world you would have rather been with than me. Being with you felt like I was living a real life Nicholas Sparks movie and for a year and a half… it felt as if all the love songs were written about us. Thank you for not only giving me my real life fairy-tale but for making me realize life is no Nicholas Sparks movie... it’s life.
Memories flood my mind every day and night...memories of you and me and mostly you… it’s the little things I remember the most. Like the way you would look at me from across the room and the way you could make me smile just with that little smirk, wink thing you do. It’s little things that are really the biggest things such as our first date. We had already been together for 6 months before going on our first official date, but those 6 months were worth the wait.
Who would’ve thought driving around to look for paint could turn into one of my favorite memories. That’s what I loved about us, it didn’t matter what we were doing, every second was even better than the last. From meeting the parents, multiple proms, summer days, to every Friday night football, photoshoots, jam sessions, and school trips… we were the ultimate dynamic duo and I felt sorry for anyone who wasn’t us. But once again, some memories are sadly meant to be only memories.
When I think back to that Monday evening in June, I try to fight back the memory of having my heart broken... but that’s impossible. To this day, people still ask me why we broke up because honestly, no one expected it, especially me. Used to I would answer, “I don’t know, I guess he was being selfish,” or something along those lines, but now I know your reasoning is opposite to that. You told me you didn’t want to hold me back when I moved off to college and you wanted me to set out and find myself as a person.
I just couldn’t understand how I could possibly go on and be happy without you. I just knew my life was over and you had made a huge mistake... but thanks to you, I have managed to do that. I have managed to find myself and what I want out of this amazing thing called life. I have gone to college events, met an amazing group of friends, developed a passion for writing, and most importantly I have strengthened my relationship with my family and God. All of which being in a serious relationship coming into college, may have held me back. So, thank you for having my life in your best interests even if it wasn’t in mine.
“Better than I was, more than I am, and all of this happened by taking your hand, who I am now, is who I wanted to be…”
Always and Forever,
