I woke up really anxious today. Just really, really anxious. Like, the-world-is-out-to-get-me, cry-in-bed-all-day-anxious. For no particular reason, either.
I had an anxiety attack.
One where I didn't understand what was happening until it was over. I was embarrassed. I didn't understand what was happening, I was just angry. I couldn't articulate the words, I just knew something was wrong with myself.
I expected you to be angry because you had every right to be. I was a big jerk, I was mean, and I was being incredibly hard on myself.
But you weren't.
Instead, you just made me open the door when I had slammed the bathroom door shut. You just held my hand, held me close. You gave me a hug. When I went into the bedroom later, to sulk and probably cry, you didn't let me. You made me get out of bed and made me brush my hair.
You made me go to the county fair (one of our favorite things to do!), got me out of my own depression and out of my own head.
And you know what? I had a great day. It was so much fun! It was amazing.
It was what I woke up thinking it wouldn't and couldn't ever be.
When I complained, you just listened. You bought me ice cream. You were just there. You didn't get mad or argue. You just listened. You just loved.
I've never had anything in my life be so constant, so understanding, or so loving.
I don't know what I ever did to deserve your patience or kindness, but I am so thankful and grateful to be in your life. And I think that's what part of being in love and being together is... it's getting through the bad days together and accepting each other for who we really are — even when we say things we don't mean, even when we want to cry in bed all day, and even when we hate ourselves.
Relationships aren't always 50/50. Sometimes it's 80/20, and that's something you taught me. It's OK to be sad. Because as long as we're together, the sad days, the bad days, they don't matter, and they won't last. Because we can face anything together.
As long as we are together, the bad days and the sad days... they will always end as good days.
My fiance, I am really so grateful I get to be your wife (soon). I love you.
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