I have always been told that everyone comes into your life for a reason. Everyone has a lesson to teach you whether they have a permanent or temporary purpose. Each and every person that walks into your life helps you become who you are. They help you grow and thrive throughout your entire life. And the people that are meant to stay will stay forever.
I am lucky enough to say I have found the greatest group of friends. Because of my friends, I have become a better version of myself and am still making improvements on my life. While some have been in my life longer than others, there is no doubt that they all equally contribute to my life in big ways. This letter to my friends is much more than an average letter; it’s a thank you from my mental disorders. No, I am not psycho or neurotic. I am not a chemical imbalance or a case study. I am human. I went through pain and pain won over my life for the last 6 years, but not anymore.
Dear Friends,
When I was fifteen I was diagnosed with depression, panic disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. When I was sixteen I was diagnosed with OCD, otherwise known as obsessive-compulsive disorder. My life consisted of panic attacks, sleep deprivation, and a constant state of anxiety. Growing up was extremely difficult for me as I struggled with controlling these disorders. No one understood me. I lost friends, some whom meant the world to me, because of my disorders. I never thought the day would come when I could beat my disorders, but I think I did it and it’s thanks to you all that I have today.
You guys may not know all of this but because of you, I am now almost two months off of medication. That accomplishment is almost equal to an alcoholic being two months sober. Two months off of medication that has been in my system for 5 years is something I am extremely proud of and I do not know how to even begin showing gratitude towards you. You all may never know the details of the last 5 years of my life but what matters is that you know what you mean in my life today.
You guys may never understand but you brought out a side of me I thought I never had and was never capable of being. Every day you push me to do better in everything I do. You can literally make me laugh at anything despite if I am in a bad mood. You cheer me on when I have an exam or big assignment. You congratulate me during my successes and pick me up during my failures. You know when wine night is a necessity and you know when I just need space. You have helped me through the worst heartbreak and allow me to rant about an insignificant issue for as long as I need, and then follow up with a reality check. You reassure me that I am never alone. I never have to fight a battle alone because I know you guys will be there to fight it with me.
For years, I allowed my mental illness to control my life and now I no longer allow it to have that power. I never had the strength to do what made me happy out of fear that I would be making a mistake, however, you taught me that mistakes are good and necessary. Every day one of us makes a mistake but we all support each other and eventually laugh about it later. The friendship I have with each of you is so much more than what everyone else sees. Our friendship is something that changed my life, so thank you for that.
I am genuinely happy with my life right now. You saved me.
Sincerely,
My Mental Illness
