I came to youth group as a lost and struggling high schooler. With me, I brought fragments of a relationship with God that for many years I had no intention of fixing. In the past, life had dealt me a series of events that made me question my already shaky idea of God and who he was. When I couldn’t find an explanation for the reasons that children got cancer or why my dad was taken from me, I turned. Instead of finding comfort and peace in Him, I told myself I could do it on my own, and for the most part, I did.
I resisted my friend’s invitation to attend youth group for a whole year. After a while, I ran out of reasons to say no and I found myself accompanying her on a Wednesday night. Looking back, I’m so grateful that my friend loved me enough to see my brokenness and keep pursuing me because after one night I was hooked. I was engaged in the youth pastors teaching and the enthusiasm he had for the Lord. I was put in a small group of girls who were all in different places in their faith journey. They showed me that everything that I was feeling and experiencing in my life was normal. We were all broken, we were all lost, but we were all saved.
That winter, I went on a retreat with my church. There was one night that was really the turning point in my life. My youth pastor encouraged us to find our small group leaders and if we felt lead, to confess what was on our hearts. All I could think about was the sin that had filled my life before I had found my way. I confessed the guilt and the shame that had been weighing me down and for the first time in years, I felt peace.
That peace led me to New York City the following summer on a missions trip to bring love and hope to the homeless. Every morning we would pray together in hopes that God would make himself known through our work. In my interactions with people all around the city, I began to realize that God wasn’t just using me, he was changing me. Whatever I asked of God that day, he delivered. I had never experienced such an outright answer to a prayer until that week when I had fully surrendered myself to His will.
It was then I realized that I didn’t need to be half way across the country to see God’s work in my life. My obedience had to start at home. I vowed that the life I lived from then on would be one where I continuously sought out the plan that God had laid out for me, long before I was born. Though I have wandered and strayed from the path, I know where my final destination is. I take refuge in the peace that has surpassed all fear and the grace He has given me to accept the unknown. I rejoice because what a blessing it is to have one friend, one church and one God that found me when I was lost and led me home.
Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
