I have lived a good life, full of fun, happiness and filled with many many fond memories. Many of you have shared in those fond memories and many of you will go on to make many more after I am long gone. I do not want this to be a sad ending; there has been enough stress, anger, and sadness already. Do not mourn for me, rather learn from my mistakes of poor time management and procrastination and better yourselves for it. Do not make the same mistakes as I; do not let me go in vain. And I now leave you not only with memories of me but with some of my most fond tools, that almost were able to save me had they not been used in the depths of the night during vain last-ditch effort cram sessions.
To my fellow students:
I leave to you the secrets of getting into the best buildings to study, panic, and cry in until 4 in the morning. Staff may think they’re locked but now you know better. Now you have a safe space to attempt to save your grade, realize failure is inevitable and proceed to breakdown into panic; all in the comfort of your own classroom with your pride and dignity…or what’s left of it anyways.
To my best study partner:
I leave the playlist of all of our 30 second dance party tracks, which all inevitably turned into 20 minute dance parties and hour-long vent sessions. You are the sole reason I lasted as long as I did and I am forever grateful for every time you made me feel stress eating was completely acceptable. Learn from my partner's teachings: calories don’t count during finals week and no, scarfing 4 soda's and 3 McChicken’s in an hour at 2 in the morning is not weird.
To the girl in the opposite study room:
I saw you throwing that chalk against the wall that night as you copied down copious amounts of chemistry problems. I leave you my secrets of getting two Mountain Dew Kickstart’s for the price of one at the vending machine in the hall. Let double the caffeine keep your wallet safe and your eyes open my comrade.
To my siblings and those of you still in high school:
I leave you the rest of the money on my Starbucks, Dunkin' Doughnuts and Tim Horton’s exclusive member cards. May the 63 cents that’s left on them all in total inspire you to do better than I when your time in college comes. Let it also be a warning for you: RUN AWAY. Let the 6 daily cups of coffee rush through your veins and empower you to run faster than ever before.
To my ever-loyal study group:
Watching Rick and Morty and crazy Youtube videos on the projector screen may not have been the most productive use of our time at 3:30 am. And the Snapchat sagas made that we always said would be quick but really took at least an hour may have contributed (fervently) to my demise. But I wouldn’t have had it any other way; you helped me keep my sanity for as long as possible (Ok, not that long) and for that I leave you my Hulu and Netflix passwords. May the Rick and Morty procrastination and the Snapchat sagas live on. I hope it continues to help you keep your sanity for .5 extra seconds much like it did mine.
To the security guards who let me use their Keurig:
I leave you the pile of K-cups in the outer pocket of my bag. There should be about 13 of them with nearly 7 different flavors in that pocket alone. I hope that they may fuel you to pass on your wisdom about avoiding college boys to another young girl strung out on caffeine and struggling to make it through the late night. Those hour long talks may have added to my late-nights but never have I been given such good advice or heard such good story-telling.
To the guy crying in the lounge at 4 am:
Yes I saw you; no I won’t tell. I hope my secret snack stash hidden on the other side of the lounge can give you the hope and will to muster on like I no longer could. March on fellow soldier.
To the Professors at the mercy of ‘the man’:
I know you didn’t mean to hurt me…I know you didn’t mean to make me cry…I thought you loved me; we were going to take on the world together side by side, but alas, no. I harbor no ill will. I know you had no choice and because of that understanding I leave you my earbuds (I only tried to strangle myself with them once) and my Spotify subscription so that when you listen to my classical music study playlist you will know my sorrow for the loss of what we once had.
To the students who don’t study:
I hate you. I leave you demons my student loan debt. Nuff said.
To the college torturing me:
You know I love you, boo. You'll always have that. But this love-hate thing we had going was only going to last so long. Thank you for giving me the best of procrastination and caffeine fueled memories; my death may kind of be (definitely is) your fault but I died lovin’ you bae.
And with that I have no more left to give. I have been bled dry. Farewell my friends. It's been real and it's been fun (well no, it hasn't) but it hasn't been real fun. Finals may have gotten the best of me but you still have time. May the odds be ever in your favor and the coffee ever stronger. Peace out my brethren, I'll see you on the other side.
