The other day at work, a resident I was taking care of asked me what my dad did. I told my resident my daddy did line work before he passed away. She looked at me in disbelief, "He's dead?!", she said loudly. I looked at her and said, "Yes, he'll be gone ten years on Tuesday." All she could say was, oh.
Then I thought for a minute...
I don't remember what my dad did before he passed. That's something that will break my heart forever. Losing a parent is never easy...but the days do get better. You have good days and bad days. Luckily, the good days are the days you remember the fun times - the times before their illness. The sad days, you remember the grief and void in your heart. I hate to tell you, but that never seems to go away.
My daddy won't watch my daughter grow with me, watch me graduate college, and won't walk me down the isle. All the things he should be doing, but can't because he's gone.
In the 20 years I have been alive, I will tell you with each death I have been through, it has gotten a little easier. But I will also tell you, every death you go through effects everyone differently.
Burying your parent(s) is one of the hardest jobs you will ever have to do. I wish they could live forever... that would be something. But, I can say at ten years old, I needed my dad instead of burying him. I will always need my dad.
You will need your parents. Not just one, but both. They are your lifeline. My mom had to be BOTH mom and dad. It wasn't easy, but she did what she could. That's all you can ask - for them to do the best they could at the given time.
While it will be ten years on Tuesday, I feel like I'm just counting down the days until I see you again, dad. It's never easy and it's never gonna be okay... but I need to make it okay. You are my guardian angel I didn't count on. I love you, forever.