Disclaimer: Though these are all quotes taken from real life, combined with snarky responses, it’s all meant in good fun. I wish Americans knew more about my home state and its people (or knew more about how our world is in general), but I am by no means mocking them. It’s just poking fun at the hilarious things I can hear outside of Nebraska - enjoy!
10) “Oh! [long pause] Where is that?” 
This is typically followed by some sort of guess as to where Nebraska is located geographically. We get a surprising amount of Canada guesses, followed by somewhere in the mountains…or some other country altogether! Then, after I try to tell them where it is (the middle of the US), there’s still an incredible amount of confusion. Like, guys: we’re an American state that you should have studied in school. I don’t know how hard it is to picture where the middle of the United States is. I understand not knowing where it is initially, but come on. Middle. Of. The United States. I promise you can do this!
9) “It’s all just small towns and corn, right?” 
Now, if people do know where Nebraska is, this tends to be the first thing they think of, and occasionally ask. Most envision Nebraska as synonymous with tumbleweed, horses, cows, middle-of-nowhere small towns, and the like. There’s nothing wrong with small towns—it’s just one of those things where it fits the personality of some people, not of others—but Nebraska is not just composed of them. Also, I’ve literally never seen a tumbleweed in my life, to be completely truthful. Nebraska, though it is a more rural state, has flourishing cities, a beautiful independent artistic, culinary, and musical life, and a scientific culture. We’re so much more than corn. Visit Lincoln and Omaha, visit their museums, attend their concerts, walk around; go to the state parks and take a hike in the fall foliage; find the independently owned bookstores, who brew their own coffee and churn their own ice cream. It’s not just “boring old farms,” and this is coming from the urbanite that is me. It is so not just small towns and corn. It is much, much more.
8) “Do you drive/ride a tractor/cow to school?” 
First of all, I have a response question to this: why was your first thought of a cow? Why not a horse? I’ve never heard of anyone riding a cow…regardless, the answer is no. I grew up in a city of over 200,000, with packed high schools. I rode in a car, parked in a parking lot, and did things in the normal, modern way. Now, yes, right outside of my city, there is a smaller town that has a “Drive Your Tractor to School” day…but it was one day! A good 99% of Nebraskans drive cars to school. We don’t ride cows, promise.
7) “Do you eat corn for every meal?” 
Believe it or not, I’ve actually heard this several times. Firstly, corn isn’t even our prime export (it’s soybeans, in case you wanted to know); secondly, no. We definitely do not eat corn for every meal. I don’t even like corn, for the record: insert the almost sacrilegious cringe here. Yes, we do eat corn as a part of a meal, occasionally, and cornbread is delicious. However, we eat normal food: pulled pork, sandwiches, pizza, fruit, granola, BBQ…it’s not just corn. We have a palate, and always will!
6) “Whoa! You guys have black squirrels?!” 
I’ve never quite understood why people are so shocked by this. I understand not having them in your home state, but why on earth are you intrigued and surprised by them? It’s a squirrel, my friend. They’re everywhere. You don’t need to take a photo.
Oh, and the answer is yes to the question!
5) “Do you have indoor plumbing?” 
Yup, this is an actual quote taken from a conversation with someone outside of the Midwest. My answer was quite literally, “…what?” In case you’re wondering, yes. Yes, Nebraska has all the amenities of modern living. We’re not pioneers roughing it out on the prairie in the nineteenth century; we don’t exist in a vacuum. Of course, we have plumbing. I still, to this day, don’t know why that needed to be asked.
4) “So…you guys have shampoo, right?”
Again, what? Nebraskans are not unhygienic: we take regular showers/baths, and yes, we use shampoo. It lies on the shelves of our Targets, Wal-Marts, CVSs, and such. We very much have it, and we very much use it. See above comment on how we aren’t pioneers (who also had a version of homemade shampoo, by the way) for further clarification. Why did that have to be asked?
3) “I thought you guys didn’t have cell phones!”
Yup, we have cell phones! We buy data plans and receive service and everything! Once again, I repeat: just because we live in a primarily rural area (but in a city) doesn’t mean we live in another century. The wheat fields do not hinder phone usage in the countryside; the tall buildings don’t stop it in the cities. We have cell phones and are on them just as frequently as everyone else, I swear. The same exact unhealthy amount.
2) “Do you have Wi-Fi?”
This was actually a very recent question, asked by a shopkeeper in the state I go to school in. Now, I understand that a lot of people, unfortunately, reside in a very egocentric circle, only realizing what’s happening in the area they live in. It’s a fairly common thing, not an unusual issue. However, I promise that 99.9% of Americans have access to Wi-Fi, and all of Nebraska has it. Like any other state, it can be spotty in some areas, but we have it. I know what it is, I’ve been using Wi-Fi as long as it has existed, and it has its place in my home state.
1) “What’s it like there?” 
This one I don’t mind. It’s by no means an ignorant question, just a curious one. I like those. Therefore, I’ll do my best to summarize what Nebraska is like.
Nebraska is people who smile at you on the street, who strike up conversations with total strangers. It’s visiting an underground art museum, then taking a hike through picturesque hills. It’s absolutely insane, ignorant fools outnumbered by people who will at least give you the time of day and listen to you. It’s prairie hills and pioneer history; it’s a close-knit theater community and city lights. It’s the entire capital city shutting down on Husker game days, tailgating and cooking Li’l Smokies, drinking Mountain Dew and Budweiser. It’s blasting Toby Keith, Flo Rida, Rachel Platten, Kenny Chesney, and Walk the Moon while driving down the interstate. It’s Omaha’s Durham Museum and Henry Doorly Zoo, it’s Lincoln’s downtown area and the Sunken Gardens, it’s Ogallala’s Wild West Show, it’s Chimney Rock, Ash Falls, the Niobrara, partying on a Friday night, outdoor movies, Ivanna Cone, Hurts Donuts, and the Lied Center and Orpheum Theatre. It’s loyalty, kindness, energy, hard work, resilience, and livelihood. Can Nebraska be boring? Yes. Can some people there be rude, cruel, and ignorant? Yes. I won’t lie; that happens everywhere in the world. Do I want to live there for the rest of my life? No. But do I miss it? Yeah. Yeah, I do. And does it fit its name of the Heartland, describing a place that will always be there to come back to? Yes. Yes, it certainly does. And it always will.
