And away we go...
1. Shit, I have to fart.
We’ve all been in this situation before. Is it silent but deadly or loud and proud?
2. Is it morally incorrect to wish that, that baby was a mute?
Everyone thinks it, don't deny it! You board a plane hoping there isn't a screaming baby, although usually there is. The screeching sound of a baby's cry and having your ears feel like they're bleeding is the last thing you want on a three-hour plane ride.
3. Holy tits, how much longer!
Plane rides have the tendency to be like classes. You look at the clock every five seconds, only to see it has been 10:35 for the last ten minutes. In conclusion, you feel like drying paint could be faster than this airplane ride.
4. I’m hungry, but these snack boxes are as much as my rent.
Starvation. Happens for two reasons, you haven’t eaten in a few days OR you happen to be on an airplane. Something about planes, usually boredom, but your stomach feels like it could eat itself. As you flip through the pages of the snacks you wonder if some olives and feta cheese are worth the 20$ in your bank account you quickly regret the thought. Anyhow, don’t worry they give out complimentary peanuts. Hopefully, you get lucky and get a pack with more than four and a half nuts.
5. Am I just really fat or are these seats meant for two-year-olds?
Don’t worry people! You have not gained ten pounds in the last week. If your knees are hitting the seat in front of you, it’s because, for some reason, airplane manufacturers like to make you practice your patience.
6. What is that smell!?
You're already awkwardly crowded by strangers, an awful smell like an old sandwich or body odor would make the whole situation twenty times worse. And then you start to wonder ... is that smell me?
7. Am I the worst human in the world if I put my chair back?
Putting your chair back on an airplane is like eating a slice of German chocolate cake when you're on a diet. You shouldn't do it, but you just can't resist.
8. That guy is the sexiest man I have ever seen.
Seriously! Everyone knows on an airplane we wear comfy sweats and our hair up. Possibly not even wearing a bra if we're feeling lucky. The one time we see a hot boy and it has to be when we look like a homeless person.
9. I love it when two years olds are in first class and not me, fun.
The walk of shame, airplane style: walking past people younger than you in first class.
10. Please Lord ... do not let this plane go down.
This is what happens when you hit turbulence and your stomach starts to drop.
1. The little voice in your head starts screaming, "HOLY SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS WE ARE GOING DOWN, WE ARE GOING DOWN! SAY YOUR GOODBYES!"
2. You start thinking of all the things you should have done with your life. For example, flirting with that boy at the supermarket or visiting that one random country no one has ever heard of.
3. Lastly, you say some bogus prayer, "I promise I will go to every class for the rest of the school year if this plane does not go down." We all know that's not true.
