Everyone who has lived in a residence hall has had some sort of experience with their Resident Assistant. Whether it is a positive or negative, we really do try. RAs work really hard to ensure that their residents have the best college experience that we can give. We try to balance our job with schoolwork, and with our own relationships, and sometimes it seems that we are MIA because we aren’t on campus all the time; however, we are just like you -- we have responsibilities and face hardships, and we need to take time for ourselves, too.
This is a list that RAs and residents alike can relate to, and it is written to remind you that we do care about your well-being, but we are also people, and sometimes we make mistakes too.
1. I’m here for you.
This is the number one thing anyone who knows me hears. I am always here for you. It’s not because I’m required to be, but because I actually care. I think this is most important for residents to know, because RAs have big hearts. We love doing what we do because we want to help. Sometimes it’s easier to stay in your room, hang out with your own group of friends, and not show an interest in getting to know your RA, but we want to get to know you. When we ask, “How are you?” it’s because we genuinely want to know. We want to be your friend and we want to know that you are doing well, and if you need help, we will be there in an instant.
2. I’m your friend.
I want to get to know you. I want to build a community on the hall so you will feel like you are part of something bigger. I want the best college experience that I can give you. I’m your friend, not by requirement, but by choice. Luckily, you were put on my hall, and I am happy to have you. Each and every one of you make up an important piece to the puzzle, and without you, it wouldn’t be the same. I’m your friend; I’m a real human being that you don’t have to be afraid of because of my title and you can talk to me.
3. I’m not out to get you.
RAs have a stigma that we enjoy writing people up because it gives us a sense of authority, but let me be frank. I hate confrontation. I hate the idea of having to write someone up and getting them in trouble. I want the best for you. When I see you do something that violates policy, it does not bring me joy to write you up, but it’s my job. I’d like for you to respect that. It’s not a personal attack, and I don’t want you to hate me. Believe me, it makes me uneasy when I know someone is mad at me. I’m just doing my job, because I believe it has meaning and purpose. I believe that RAs make a big impact in residents’ lives, and for me to be a part of your life is a privilege and an honor.
4. I love my job.
I want to keep it. I work very hard for this job. It’s not for the money, or for the benefits; in a sense, it’s like being a teacher. You do it because you care about the well-being of the students. You want to give them the best of yourself you can so they can achieve their fullest potential. In this way, it is easy to turn the other cheek and pretend like I did not see you sneak a boy in after hours, but it’s not fair for everyone else to have to abide by the rules and for me to allow you to break them. I’m not a hall monitor --I’m just doing my job so I can help you be the best person that I think you can be.
5. I really do care.
I said it before, and I’ll say it again. I care about you. I want to help you make friends, become a part of a club you’ve never heard of, and step out of your comfort zone. I want you to have the best college experience that you can have, and being a part of that is amazing. I care about those days when you are stressed and you have three tests you didn’t study for, plus a paper that’s due in an hour that you’ve barely started on -- that’s why I gave you chocolate. I care that you are sick and that you are sniffly and would rather sit in bed than go to class -- that’s why I gave you soup. I care that you may be having a tough week or a rough day, and that’s why I gave you all flowers. Perhaps you have been having the year of your life, but I hope that flower brightened your day, like it did my freshman year when my RA left a little daisy outside of our doors -- just because. It’s not in material things, it’s the effort and the thought that goes behind it. We care.
6. Sometimes, I need time for myself.
My residents know that even when I’m off campus at Chick-fil-A, my door is still left open. My door is, literally, always open, and I am demonstrating this presence and availability to let you guys know that I am here for you. When my door is shut, there is a reason. I have a sign outside of my door that says where I am in case someone needs me, and I use it because I think it’s important to know where your RA is if you need something.
I take naps, sometimes I go to bed at a reasonable hour, and my board will say that I am sleeping. If it says that I’m studying, then that means I am taking the time to focus on schoolwork, and I need that time to myself. If it says, “Not Here,” that means that I am off campus and I am taking the time for myself. It takes a lot to be a RA, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but all of us need the time to decompress because we deal with tough and stressful situations sometimes, on top of being a stressed out college student. Every RA takes time for themselves because we need it in order to keep going; however, we are always just a phone call or a text away.
7. I’m also a student.
When my door is shut and I am studying, it means that I need the quiet time to myself. No, I am not avoiding you -- I am taking that time to study. We are students, and we deal with the same stresses that you do: balancing schoolwork with friendships, relationships, trying to be healthy, trying to visit our families and trying to make a point to be present with you. We understand the stresses of being a student simply because we are too. It’s no mistake that RAs live on the hall and that we are your age. We understand and we can relate to what you are going through. We are here to help you, but also take care of ourselves and our education.
8. It’s tough.
The balance that I know you struggle with, I struggle with too. I am a human and a student, and I understand that what you are going through is tough. I am the first to tell you that what I am going through is tough too. Many RAs advocate so much for Student Counseling because it is the only free counseling you will get in your whole life, and they can really help you if you just need someone to talk to. Sometimes, you don’t want to talk to someone who knows you well or might judge you; in counseling, they will listen and help you through problems. There’s only so much RAs are trained on, and we are just the surface of the aid you can receive. We are students and we experience the struggles that you face, maybe not to the same degree or under the same circumstances, but we understand and we want to help you. In the same sense, we have to take time for ourselves as well to maintain our own sense of well-being, so we can be better in our job performance for you.
9. I abide by the same policies that you do.
I get it. Sometimes my boyfriend gets off work at 10 p.m. and I’d like to check him into my room so we can be with each other because we haven’t seen each other all day. The easy solution, especially if you are in a room by yourself, would be to sneak him in, because maybe your RA won’t notice. We notice. It’s obvious if we are doing rounds on a girl’s hall and we hear a guy’s voice coming from your room. There’s no sense in telling him to hide. It’s better if you are honest. Sure, I’d love a puppy, but I’m not going to break the rules because I have a title. We enforce the rules, and we follow them ourselves. It wouldn’t be fair if we were given some sort of privilege because of who we are, and we aren’t. We follow the same rules you do, and every single one of them is put in place for a good reason.
10. You have taught me a lot, and I want the best for you.
This is my second year as a RA, and both years have taught me something different. I have grown as a person, and as a RA, and it’s all because of the positive impact that each and every one of you has made in my life. I will still remember all of your names, and if I see you walking to class, or eating in the dining hall, I will still walk up to you and ask you how you are doing because I still care. I have cared and wanted the best for you since you were put on my hall. Each and every one of you has taught me something, and kept me going. You have kept me going by coming to socials, smiling and saying hello when I pass, and leaving the little notes under my door of encouragement and reassurance that I am doing a good job. I love being a RA, and I want to inspire you to be the best you can be, like you have taught me to do.
