Everyone can claim that their mom is insane. That's practically a given. Jewish mothers, however, take it to a whole other level. While they're unconventional, crazy, and borderline neurotic, everything they do is out of love. Still, every Jewish child (like myself) questions whether having this kind of mother is a brakha or a curse when...
1. She prepares for the worst
Nothing is ever safe and secure enough for Jewish Mom, but she has a plan for everything. No matter how bad it gets, the badassery passed down l'dor vador (fromgeneration to generation) makes this woman tough as nails and quick on her feet.
2. She thinks of every possible situation
Whether the city is under attack by aliens or your identity is stolen, the Jewish Mom thinks of everything that could go wrong well in advance. Personally, before I left for college, my JM made me sign healthcare proxies and HIPAA forms for the absolute worst case scenarios. It might seem crazy, like everything else they do, but there is a thought process behind their madness.
3. Tradition runs strong
It only makes sense that because children born to Jewish mothers (not necessarily Jewish fathers) are Jewish, the Jewish Mom keeps faith and tradition alive in the household. Friday nights are for family, synagogue is mandatory on the high holidays, and Jewish Mom will go to great lengths to make sure you follow suit.
4. She's loud
No self-respecting Jewish Mom is quiet. They're vocal about their opinions (especially on the issues in the Middle East), they love to gossip, and they (sometimes) have zero volume control. Which isn't always a bad thing.
5. Like super loud
In a nutshell, see above.
6. She worries constantly
It's just a maternal thing to do. Although Jewish Mom takes it to the extreme, maybe because many Jewish sons are truly momma's boys at heart.
7. Matzah ball soup is a given at almost every holiday
Challah, roast chicken, and kugel too! Traditional Jewish food is a given at every holiday but also is the result of lots of hard work from Jewish Moms (at least the ones that do cook and not order from Ben's Kosher Deli).
8. Hebrew school is mandatory, there's no way around it
As said in reason #3, tradition is mandatory. And while the Jewish Mom does teach us about our faith and heritage, Hebrew school is only supplementary. But it's a mandatory part of every Jewish child's life, even if for only a year (like I did), because having their child at synogogue more makes the Jewish Mom happier.
9. Half of her vocabulary is Yiddish or Hebrew
In humid August, the Jewish Mom doesn't sweat, she schvitzes. Oy vey is akin to ay-ay-ay (or even more common, possibly). Whatever the case is, the Jewish Mom uses both of our traditional languages in everyday speech to the point where it becomes normal and you have to stop yourself from saying it.
10. She does crazy things, but it's all out of love
'Nuff said.
