At the beginning of my junior year of high school, I found out that my grandmother was diagnosed with Stage IIII Bone Cancer. When I heard the news first hand, it didn't correctly register with me. I wasn't sure what to expect for I had never had to go through such a traumatic time with someone who was so close to me.
Over the course of that year, I watched one of the strongest people I knew crumble before my eyes. See, my grandma was the type of person to always pretend that she was okay, even if she wasn't. So that's what she did. For that year, every time she was around family, she pasted that fake smile on her face and pretended everything was fine. That's just how she coped with it.
At the conclusion of that school year, the week after prom, she was admitted into a hospice center, which is meant for end-of-life care. I spent every single day after school sitting there by her side and man, was I an emotional wreck. As the week came to a close, I knew it was nearing the end. The last couple days, she wasn't really responsive at all, that is until the second to last night. I walked into the room with some of my family members. My aunt had explained to me that although she didn't seem like she was coherent, if I talked to her, she would be able to hear me. So I leaned down next to her ear and told her that I just wanted to let her know that I was there and that I loved her with all of my heart. After I spoke those words, something happened that hadn't in days. Her eyes moved. She looked directly at me and mouthed the words I love you. Those are the last words my grandmother ever spoke.
Two days later, she passed away and I felt empty inside. Right after her passing, I graduated from high school and was in the process of planning for the next adventure in my life, college. Like most high school grads, my parents planned to hold a graduation party in my honor. The night after the extravaganza, I returned to my home and began opening my graduation cards. The first one that I picked out of the pile was incredibly different from all of the others.
Upon opening it, I burst into tears. The entire table around me stared in confusion as to what had sent me into a whirlwind of emotions, but it was my grandmother. You see prior to her passing, she had asked my aunt to set aside a card for me with some special items in it. Those two items consisted of a poem and a quote that I have since then held very near and dear to my heart. The quote read "Dance like nobody's watching, love like you've never been hurt, and live like there's no tomorrow." She knew this one would hold importance to me considering dance has always been my passion, since the age of two. My grandmother had never missed one of my performances and I always referred to her as my biggest fan. On another note, the poem was titled "Do It Anyway." It read:
"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway."
When I had finally finished reading the card, I was speechless. I had to get up and walk away from the table. With how many tears were falling down my face, you would think I was heartbroken. But I promise, that wasn’t the case. See, for the first time within the past few months, I was truly happy. Getting through graduation and moving on to the next step of my life without her didn’t seem possible, for she had been there for everything prior. But reading that card reassured me that although she was gone, she would always be with me. That’s where my tattoo comes in.
For as long as I can remember, I have been TERRIFIED of needles. Honestly. It took me up until my eighth grade year to even get my ears pierced and my mom had to bribe me to do that. But upon entering college, I realized more and more just how much my grandmother's absence had affected me. I knew for a few years that I wanted a tattoo, but I’m the type of person that wouldn’t get one unless it had some special significance to me. Then in November of my sophomore year, I had my mind made up. I was going to get a tattoo and dedicate it to her. This brought me to my next question, what was it going to look like?
I have always loved the look of infinity signs, but every time I mentioned that I wanted one, I was called “basic”. However, the meaning behind them is what drew me to them in the first place. It represents infinity, which is defined as limitless or endless in space, extent, or size; impossible to measure or calculate. The love I had for my grandmother was truly infinite. But I didn’t want to just get a tattoo of an infinity sign. So I thought a bit more. After a while, the poem Do It Anyway had crossed my path yet again. Then, a lightbulb in my head went off. That was it. Do It Anyway.
After my grandmother's passing, I decided that in order to better myself, I wanted to live by that poem. So I did it. I applied that poem to my life every single day. On my 20th birthday, I made my dream a reality. I conquered my fears and got the tattoo. I have been in love with it ever since. See, although I know my grandmother is gone, I know she will always be with me. With one look at my tattoo, I know all that I have needed to know for the past 21 years of my life. She has always and will always continue to be with me wherever I go.
