Yup, that girl.

The girl who always was stressed and had a million things to do.

I think being involved can be a great thing. I do, however, believe that the motives for your involvement can tell you a lot about if it’s worth all of your time and effort. In some cases, it totally is. In others, I think it’s important to reevaluate our commitments.

I went to a high school with a graduating class of about 70 people per grade. This small community was awesome in some ways, but it also made it so that everyone had to be super involved. Everyone had to excel in something in order for our teams and students group to be relevant or competitive. We needed enough people to field our teams and make up enough for an orchestra. This created many well rounded students, but also created some stressful days.

By my senior year, I was on two varsity sports (though not particularly good at either), was Student Body President, was on Campus Ministry, had a part time job working at a bookstore and had three years of choir participation to my name. In the Fall, when I was filling out college applications, I felt on top of the world. I felt like all of those people in the admissions offices who would be deciding my fate would know one thing about me - I was involved. In my mind it showed that I was dedicated and well rounded, and that had a laundry list of experience to show just how mature and ready for college I was. I had a solid GPA and solid SAT scores, but I was convinced that all of those extracurriculars would push me over the edge and get me into those ultra-competitive colleges that you dream of as a kid.

When college decisions came out, I got into some great places, but none of those fancy, top-tier universities I was hoping for. As my mom always said for those reach schools, “you can’t get in if you don’t apply!” So I applied, but I didn’t get in. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t at least waitlisted - I mean come on, did they see my extracurriculars? Once I didn’t get into those schools, I saw my participation as a waste. Why did I spend all those hours in the gym playing volleyball when I could have been studying for my tests and gotten a better GPA? Why did I put in so much time to making posters for Spirit Week if no college even cared I was President? I could have spent another hour in bed every morning if I hadn’t signed up for choir. I could have gotten a better SAT score with all that extra time!

So when the first week of college rolled around, I was annoyed. I was annoyed at all of the people who were signing up for every club and interviewing for every position and networking for every event. I was so over all of the commotion about the activities fair, because I just saw it as a lot of people signing up for stuff I knew they would never do. When I got to college, I took a break. I didn’t really involve myself in anything because I was tired of it. The meetings and the emails and the time investment was all too much for me, so first semester I just wanted to relax.

I was pessimistic about being involved, because I believed everyone was doing it for the same selfish reasons I was - to get ahead. I thought it was this superficial desire to be involved in everything and to know everyone. And sure, maybe there are a few people who are like that. I think there always will be, wherever you go. But what I’ve learned at Villanova is that so many people are involved because they want to, and because they have passion driving them. They are involved in Special Olympics because they believe in the values it encourages, they are involved in Blue Key because they love Villanova more than anything, they play sports because they enjoy them, they sing because it makes them happy, and they support NovaDance because they believe in a better future.

I hated people who were involved, and I was one of those people. I wasn’t honest about what my passions were, and I’m still not sure I know what they are. That’s the fun part of life, because I have such a wonderful opportunity to learn about what I love. I have the ability to experiment with what I am talented at, and see if that is what really makes me happy. I see people involved, and I see them excited, and it no longer annoys me. I see the genuine side to loving who you are and what you do, and that is the most important part of life.

I thought I knew what my path to success was in high school, and I was sorely mistaken. What I learned from being involved is invaluable - time management, teamwork, leadership, dedication, and organization. Those experiences all have contributed to who I am now. But I wish I knew that filling out more boxes on a college application wouldn’t have a direct correlation to my fulfillment or happiness, because my definition of ‘happy’ was off. I thought ‘happy’ would be at a school with a 15% acceptance rate. Happiness isn’t and hasn’t been dictated by where I ended up for school. It’s been dictated by my mindset. I wouldn’t consider myself the ‘super involved’ girl anymore, and I’m okay with it because I’m still figuring it out. I’m 19 years old and I don’t know what I love. I wrote a college essay on what my passion is, but I couldn’t tell you what it was on.

I’m thankful for the opportunity my high school experience gave me, but I’m also thankful that I’m done with it. College, I’ve been told, is the time to find out who and what you want to be. I’m not sure I’ll know by the time I graduate, but at least I now know that no amount of club involvement can lead me to the answer. For some people, that might be the way they find their own happiness, but I know I can find my happiness another way. As of right now, college has taught me that I love drinking tea, reading for my Gender and Women’s Studies classes, going on hikes, and making new friends. And for now, I’m content knowing that this is what makes me happy.