The winter before my 16th birthday, I became obsessed with diet and exercise. I’ve never been obscenely out of shape, but I wanted to lose a few pounds and feel more confident in my skin, especially for my big Sweet 16 party in the end of July, and then back to school for my junior year. So in February, I started a diet and picked up a routine of biking and running and such. I started to see small results after awhile and became absolutely enamored.

I was a woman obsessed—I suddenly lived and breathed fitness and dieting. Cutting down on sugar and carbs soon turned to cutting down on calories, until I cried and panicked any time I ate over 300 calories in one day. I would have nightmares, waking up sweating and panting, in which I would eat full meals, or worse, binge. Then, like any sensible person, I would get up at 3 a.m. and go for a run around the neighborhood. I lost a significant amount of weight, of hair, of self-esteem, of friends, of life.

I suffered from my anorexia, but denied how terrible it was until I was almost 17, about a year and a half later. Slowly, I got better, and though I still have the mean voice in my head, I would fairly confidently call myself recovered.

When I was sick, two things scared me beyond belief: holidays and summer. Because holidays meant food, and summer meant shorts and tank tops and swimsuits. This Fourth of July is much different, though. Its summer, it’s a holiday, and for once I am not afraid. I’m not afraid of eating, I’m not afraid of seeing people or people seeing me, and I’m not afraid of myself.

I am so thankful to my parents, who stood by me in my worst times, and the few friends I have left from that time in my life, for not judging me or giving up on me. If it weren’t for the support system I had in those days, I wouldn’t be here today. This summer is the first summer in four years that I haven’t been sick or had a relapse of anorexia, and I am extremely proud and happy to say that. I have struggled with relapses since my recovery when I was about 17, but this is the first summer since I was 15 that I have gone this far without starving or otherwise harming myself. For where I came from, that’s a huge step of progress.

Holidays can be a stressful and scary time for anyone—be that because of situations like this, not feeling as though you fit in with your family, or not having anyone to spend time with. It is important that, this holiday, we all take time to remember what we’re celebrating, and try to have a good time doing so. So have an enjoyable and safe Fourth of July this year. I know I will.