Picture it: You're sitting, holding pills, a knife, a rope, tears running down your face, letter to your love ones in hand, thousands of countless memories flashing through your head. And as you prepare to make your last, you stop.
During my middle school and high school years, I had a feeling inside that I had no deeper meaning to live. The feelings would come and go but were always stuck in the back of my mind. Countless tears were shed, and notes were started but never finished. Four years ago is when I was at my lowest point. My father left my family and me with no warning and a simple goodbye. The emotions of abandonment, hate and disgust filled my heart and mind. Those feelings came back. I had my plan to do it. A friend noticed my struggle and pushed me to get the help I needed. Luckily for me, I got out of that awful state. I started seeing a therapist. I knew there was always something holding me back from those actions, and my therapist helped open my eyes to a new world. She helped me realize that those thoughts should never be in my mind, even if they're in the very back. She helped me realize my worth and the importance I am to my family, my friends and most importantly to myself.
You may not realize it without help, but everyone has a deeper purpose in life than just living. A small act of kindness goes a long way in this world. If you are thinking about suicide, remember you have so many places you have yet to see, people you have yet to meet and who have yet to meet you. There are friends to adore, and someone out there to fall in love with. There are flowers to smell and oceans to sail. There are many things yet to be done and seen. There is hope, and there is help. You are here, and your heart is beating for a reason. Stay for the hope that someone, or something, somewhere in this world we live in needs you.
You have to look at life through the Disney movie "Inside Out." In the movie, there are five emotions: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear. All of these emotions link to feelings we may have throughout different situations in our lives. You are the decider of your own fate and your journey; you get to decide what emotion you are going to lead your life by. Will you pick Joy? The choice is ultimately up to you.
The feeling of not being good enough, especially feeling the need to end your life, is a feeling no one should have to go through. Someone loves you. Someone needs you. You will be stronger at the end of your battle. Pain is temporary and does not last forever. Take the journey to recovery one day at a time. Just know you are not alone.
Getting help is not a sign of weakness. Show your strength to keep pushing, to keep living. Not everyone can get there on their own.
Suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255
