Saturday, September 10 was a very bittersweet day for me. As I looked through my Facebook memories for the day, my heart started to sink. September 10 is Suicide Prevention Day, and what I had done every year for suicide awareness and prevention came up. In the past, it was a day of just wearing yellow -- the color of awareness and bringing light to this difficult topic -- posting statistics, or writing the word love on my wrist. This year, seeing those pictures felt like a sucker punch. Why?

I lost my good friend, Darrion, to suicide at the beginning of the summer.

Darrion was a close friend of my sister's, and also of mine once I finally met him. He was someone who loved to have fun with friends and family. There were several nights that he and my sister would "fight" at our dining room table, with Darrion saying that my sister would recover from the "brawl" they had. He loved Doctor Who, and we had so many conversations (even if the conversation was in all memes) about the show. He LOVED music and musicals. One of my favorite memories with him actually involves a musical.

Last year, I had a late class and had a volunteering commitment with my church. My mom ended up getting stuck at work, and had me get in touch with Darrion to see if he could possibly give me a ride. He was able to, but he had a specific CD he wanted to listen to -- Heather's the Musical. I know he took great joy in the fact that my face was red when I walked in; and whose wouldn't, when you are listening to a song called (I Love My) Dead Gay Son as you are pulling up to your Catholic Church.

The last time I saw Darrion was at prom. I didn't really talk to him, since I was enjoying my last prom and he was being moody when I went up to say hi to him. I took a selfie with him and a group of friends at the end of the night, and told him to text me sometime and that we needed to hang out, since the last time we saw each other was the beginning of January. Months passed and life went on.

Then, a post came up on my Facebook that threw life as I knew it on its head. The post, summarized, said "I can't believe that this happened and you were one of my good friends in high school. Rest in peace Darrion." Then I saw two more mutual friends posted very similar statuses. I started to freak out. I called my mom, and then texted a friend of mine and Darrion's who asked what I had heard. After a long pause, they then told me the two words that I was afraid to see come up on my screen. "He's gone."

I still have days that I can't get out of bed because all I can think about is Darrion. I still have nights where I cry myself to sleep when I realize that he's not here. In the months since his passing, they have happened less and less, but they still happen. Losing someone to suicide is one of the worst things that you can ever go through.

And that brings me back to September 10. Seeing everything that I had posted in the past, I started to beat myself up over not seeing the signs, not being able to help. But, people have to want to be helped, and people who reach that point have to know that it is OKAY to reach out and ask for help. It is OKAY to not be okay, to need a crutch of some-sort for a little while.

In the past, I raised awareness because no one should have to feel that low and feel that suicide is the only answer. This year, that is still a major factor, but the survivors of those who do lose their lives to suicide are never the same again. Think about all of the families and friends when you wear yellow in awareness or write the word love on your wrist, and see if there is anything you can do to help those who are affected by this for more than just a day or a week

If your or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or actions, please call the National Suicide Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text 'Help' or 'Start' to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741.