When I was little I was never concerned about what my body looked like. I never cared what the number on the scale was. I was so focused on playing sports that "skinny" was just never a thought on my mind. I was always in my own little world focusing on sports and not what I looked like. One day in middle school, at the end of soccer practice a couple of the girls went on a run after practice and said "were going on a diet". That was when it all hit me. It started to become a competition for me in my own head. I’m disgustingly competitive which didn’t help me when I thought I had to be the skinniest. I was comparing myself to my friends and any girl I would see just to see if I was skinny like them and I never thought I was.
As I went into highschool it got worse. I'd look at magazines, watch TV and think that I'd never be skinny like those girls. I was constantly battling my mind and the scale. I was never satisfied with what I saw. I looked in the mirror and I was incredibly uncomfortable. I was disgusted by the number on the scale. I did what every girl dealing with body image issues did I went on a “diet” but I felt worse than I already did. I couldn’t be myself because of how embarrassed I was. I always thought people would look at me and judged me because I wasn’t as skinny as other girls. Even being out on the tennis court doing what I loved, I still thought I wouldn’t be good enough because I wasn’t tiny. No matter what I did or what I told myself, I was constantly battling my mind telling me you're not skinny like the girls on TV or in the magazines.
Luckily today, I conquered that battle. I don’t feel like I'm not skinny enough anymore. I realized that I'm an athlete. I played sports my entire life so my body grew like an athlete’s body did. I have more muscle than normal girls do. I'm 5'8" I live breathe and sleep sports there was no way I could ever be 130 or 120 llbs. So I decided I should start emulating and looking at women that had a similar body type like mine. I started looking up to Serena Williams, Camille Leblanc-Bazinet, Holly Holms, all women that are built like athletes. By doing that, I became less self-conscious, I stopped comparing myself to the stick skinny women I saw in the media because I wasn’t made to look like that.
I began focusing on embracing the fact that I was an athlete and that I could be so strong. I started weightlifting more and I started doing CrossFit. I started to love my body I stopped tearing myself down and now I'm happy as I am. Over time I became more confident, feeling strong and healthy that's where I feel my best and that’s all I focus on. It just took me a little time to figure that out that I feel my best when I feel strong and stopped trying to be what the media tells me i need to be. Now I care more about the weight on my barbell than I do on my body.
Having body image issues wasn’t an easy task to overcome. When your body shaming yourself it becomes difficult to defeat it because you can’t stop listening to the voice in your head. I spent years where all I could think about was what I looked like. All I remember looking back, was focusing on my image. Finally, after battling for that long, I realized I was built to be strong so I was going to embrace it. One thing that helped me the most after that realization was finding women with my build and emulating them helped me realize that I am perfect just the way that I am. Like Serena Williams said, “I don’t have time to be brought down, I’ve got too many things to do. I have Grand Slams to win, people to inspire and that’s what I’m here for.”
