There's a stereotype that girls are sensitive, dramatic and too emotional. While this may be true for some people and myself, I also have a tendency to push things that are hurting me away. Why do I do this? Well, it's kind of a personality trait that I wish I could erase. While recently going through a difficult situation with someone I love, I realized it's OK not to be OK.
A lot of people assume I'm always happy because I'm always laughing and appear to be having a good time. While 95 percent of the times people see me, I truly am glad, at the same time I'm accumulating this bubble of anxiety inside me. I push down everything that hurts me just a little bit because I don't think it's important enough to be upset about. I try to live in the moment. I try to put on a face that nothing is bothering me at all times.
However, this is not reality. Life is not perfect, and no one is perfect. It's a common phrase, and yes it's very true. Though in high school, I didn't believe this to be true. I thought everything was perfect in life and if it wasn't, I'm doing something wrong. It had to be me that was making myself unhappy. However, now I know how naive I was acting. Sometimes life just doesn't go the way you want it to. Maybe it's that you didn't get into your dream college, or maybe it is that your relationship didn't work out the way you wanted to. All I am saying is that you can't blame yourself for everything. It is not healthy, and you can't hold everything in when you're not ok. This is what friends and family are for. To help guide you through your times of hardship.
Trust me; it's easier said than done. I have been through one of the hardest situations I've had to go through in my life, having to push away someone I care so much about. I spent a year denying it. In reality, this is not healthy. Being hurt for a year and not letting anyone help you with it because you pretend like it's not happening is not ok. Address things that are making you feel vulnerable. Feel sorry for yourself. You deserve that comfort. You deserve to be happy. Don't cut yourself short by pretending like something isn't making you so upset because it will just add up and you will eventually implode.
Moral of the story, don't let your head get the best of your emotions. Showing that you're struggling is not a sign of weakness, but rather it is a sign of strength. It is strength in the way that you are willing enough to show your full and genuine self to the world. It is strength in the way that you are ready enough to be vulnerable to someone else. Be strong. And know that is OK not to be OK.
