Most schools don't offer a straight to the facts class on how to be successful. In an age where doing well is such a big thing for most people, in order to live comfortably it's important to pass down the knowledge to those who may not know. In the twenty years of living that I've done I've obviously amassed an enormous amount of information on basically everything so it's practically my civic duty to information-vomit some advice on how to make it in the world. Without further ado here is five tips on how to be successful.
1. Have a Facebook
Being connected to the world is essential. How else will people judge you find you? Make sure that your information is put up so that people can get the best first impression. A really neat bonus tip here is to put down hobbies that you think are cool but you're too lazy or scared to actually do them. "Scaling cliffs is my passion" people will think you're so cool and then want to hire you. You may think that that is lying but this isn't an article on how to not lie so keep reading or stop here.There's nothing more to a person other than what they have on their social media so put a lot of effort into that. When trying to make it into the world just send friend requests to the it-people; role models, possible bosses, and strangers alike. Chances are you found this article through the facebook account you already have so good job you're already part way there.
2. Claim You Have The Job 
How cool another tip that involves lying! Pam Halpert made a great move in the show "The Office". When the company was bought out by a larger company and there was confusion on who was the office manager she just said it was her. Claim to have a job because it seems like people are too lazy to check into it further. I know what you're thinking: "Chase that's lying", "This is literally so illegal", "This is terrible advice" or even "I'm hungry". But what you should be thinking is "wow Chase, cool advice thanks" because in case you forgot I basically know everything. I am after all a local expert at the department of knowing human behavior based at the Pentagon.
3. Reject Society
If you frequent my articles you know this is almost always a viable option. Reject society and write your own rules. Live in the wilderness and live by the land, no one can tell you you're a failure if there isn't anyone around. You'll be the most successful person you know if you're the only person you know. The only possible reason you won't be successful is if you die so I'd say the chances are in your favor unless you really suck at camping.
4. Work Really Hard
lol @ my joke
5. Mind Control
Be your own boss as well as everyone else's. Channel all your stress and anxiety into pure mental power to obtain the ultimate control over people. Create your ideal situation and become successful. Of course the down side of this will be you'll never know if people actually like you or if you're forcing them to. But that's the risk you took when you threw away your humanity.
