The question has definitely come up once or twice in your life: Are you an introvert or an extrovert? It is always one or the other. Western society loves the extrovert, questions the introvert, and yet expects everyone to thrive in its culture. Introverts are seen as quiet, shy, people who like to keep to themselves, while extroverts are the outgoing, social, people who do great in a crowd. However, there is so much more that goes into these labels.

Introverts are not always shy, but often strive in solitude. They can be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings, and often spend time alone to sort through them. They tend to daydream, and often view socializing as something that should be purposeful, rather than socializing simply for the act of socializing. They find their energy on their own, rather than through other people.

Extroverts are the opposite; they find their energy from being around other people. Most likely to socialize with groups of people, and enjoy scenes like parties and bars for their social aspects. They can get bored easily without people around, and do not like spending too much time by themselves.

For anyone who knows me, they would most likely describe me as an extrovert right off the bat. I like to go out and have fun, I can talk to a crowd, I get bored if I am alone for too long. Still, I would disagree with anyone who called me an extrovert. Instead, I would describe myself as...drumroll please...an ambivert.

But wait… this doesn’t fit into the two options! People are supposed to be either extroverts, or introverts, not both! Yeah, well I have never been the type to fit into expected molds, so why stop now?

I think I speak for most people when I say that specific labels describing my personality cannot be narrowed down to one word. I’m a complicated individual! I like to spend time alone, read, think about my day and how tomorrow can be better (or just as good, if today was great). I like to hang out with friends, go to bars and parties, speak in public, meet new people. I like to take a day or two after a long weekend of socializing to get away from it all, to enjoy my own company, to live in my own world for a bit. Sometimes I don’t even realize that I’m doing it! Sometimes I realize that I have gone through a few days simply coasting along, from my room to class and back again. When I figure this out, my first instinct is to walk through my house and find my housemates; to socialize with the people I couldn’t survive without.

Basically, according to the idea that everyone is either an extrovert or an introvert, I make no sense. How can one person enjoy spending so much time alone, yet love being surrounded by people? How can I get lost in my own mind for a while, and then flip the switch and need to be surrounded by people to keep me sane, rather than nutty in my boredom? Sometimes when I go to a party, I am completely in my element. I am confident, energetic, and outgoing as hell. Other times, I go to a party and only feel a severe sense of boredom, annoyance, and slight fear that I may actually throw my drink on the next drunk-o who bumps into me or steps on my already sore feet (To whoever invented heels...you’re rude). Pretty much, I am a combination of all the traits of both extroverts and introverts, and it is confusing as hell.

Being an ambivert, that is, someone who thrives in my own world yet enjoys social settings, I constantly have to try to balance my time between being by myself and being with other people. I have to recognize when I have been a loner for a few too many consecutive hours (or days), as well as when I have been a little too social of a butterfly, and am in need of a little me-time. It is a constant struggle, however when I do find the right balance, I am the best me I can put out into the world.

So what does me being an ambivert mean for any of you readers? Well, as much as this has been a nice little moment self-reflection (my inner introvert is in full swing right now), I recognize that my own self-identification as an ambivert isn’t necessarily applicable to everyone. What does fit everyone though, is the idea that finding the balance that suits you is the most important thing. I have had more than my fair share of moments when I realized I needed to cut back, or step up my social experiences, because it was what was best for me.

So here’s my advice: Don’t listen to people who say you should get out more. If you want curl up with a good book for three days straight, do it. If you want to watch 43 episodes on Netflix on a Sunday, just because you can, go for it. No one can tell you to socialize more, only you can decide when that is best for you. On the other hand, don’t let anyone tell you you’re too social, too outgoing, too bubbly. If you want to be surrounded by people 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, who has the right to tell you not to? If you get bored alone, and need a little entertainment from the outside, then go and get it. No one can tell you to stop being someone who thrives on human connection.

Overall, don’t listen to anyone who tells you to be anything you are not. From someone who has confused not only the world with her wacky combination of social preferences, but also herself, I can tell you that accepting yourself as whatever you are (extrovert, introvert, or any mix of the two) is the best way to live life. By doing this, you are not only creating a world that you are comfortable living in, but it also shows the world that you are comfortable in your own skin; this is a trait to be admired, no matter what that skin is.