Every college freshman dreams of the days of escaping the paper-thin walls of the on-campus dormitories and moving into a house of their own with five of their best friends. No more RAs, no more mandatory dining hall meal plans and no more listening to every word of every phone call that one neighbor makes to their boyfriend at 4 am. Off-campus is pure bliss and is the ultimate housing goal. But while your first month in a house will be the best monthof your life, you will soon come back to reality after experiencing these universal struggles:
There is no cleaning lady. Dorm life was awesome since someone vacuumed your carpets and cleaned your shower every single day. Welcome to reality: you are now the cleaning lady. There will be dust, there will be dirt and you will need to change the toilet paper on your own. I advise you to buy a broom.
BUGS.
YES, THERE WILL BE BUGS. And if you don't believe me, just wait until the first man-eating spider crawls out from underneath your sink. I hope you have chosen wisely on which friends you want to live with because at least one of them will need to be designated centipede killer. If you haven't made any friends like that, I suggest you find one fast.
Your backyard is a zoo.
Wild animals actually exist in the real world and chances are, they will be living in your backyard. You will soon realize that leaving loose pizza boxes behind the house is a bad idea and will attract raccoons, skunks and other unidentifiable mammals. A word to the wise: get a trash bin with a lid.
You will still have neighbors.
You may have escaped the paper-thin walls and that annoying girl with the boyfriend phone calls, but off-campus, you will most likely have real people neighbors with real people jobs. And these jobs will require them to leave the house at 6 am. And they will have the loudest cars in America. If you don't live next to early risers, you are blessed.
The darkness is not your ally.
Walking around by yourself at night isn't a good idea anymore, even if your think leaving your friends and walking home from the frat party is the only option. Never walk alone in the dark, ever. Make friends who have cars at school and ask them to give you a ride. You can always make it up to them later.
Homework is also not your friend.
You may think that you have great self control, but living off-campus is the equivalent to being on vacation. Your bed is a cloud, there are three TVs in the house and you will most likely have five other best friends that serve as awesome distractions. Getting your homework done is hard, and you will soon find yourself planted in the library more often than not.
The parking police are out to get you.
I'm not kidding, they thrive on college kids parking in the wrong place at the wrong time. You will need to buy a universal parking pass, or suffer the wrath of the infamous $100 parking ticket. Another great piece of advice: live in a house with a driveway.
You pay for what you use.
You may want to take a two hour long shower because, let's be honest, that's where everyone does their best thinking. Don't lie to yourself and say that you haven't ever wasted the hot water because you were too busy pondering the existence of life. However, the longer your stand in the shower, the more it will show up on your next utilities bill. Keep the showers shorts and turn the faucet off while you're brushing your teeth in the morning because, trust me, you will be regretting it later
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Food is hard.
It is certainly easy to eat, but food is definitely not easy to make. You may have hated the dining hall food, but at least it was already prepared for you before you got there. Living off-campus requires you to go food shopping frequently and you will eventually have to learn to cook something other than microwavable mac-n-cheese. If you don't learn how to cook a decent piece of chicken, you will either starve inside your house or go broke off of take-out pizza every night. Not to mention gaining fifteen pounds. Lettuce and salad supplies are easy and healthy. Try to gravitate toward the greens rather than the Lucky Charms for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
