Dear 2019,

I guess this is a first for me: writing an actual reflection letter on the past year. Even stranger for me still? Posting it so that maybe one of my readers can relate to it.

You were…a trip. I went in with these grand expectations, a plan lay out that I was sure was going to form exactly as I needed it to. I wrote a few times about it, but even then, I just knew it was going to end the way I wanted it to. The beginning was fresh and doe-eyed. It was anticipation all rolled up into one fell swoop.

There was this weird bump of confusion and frustration that crept up. Things began to fall (somewhat, but not devastatingly) apart. The ducks waddled all away from the fond little row they were in during the start. I was stuck. The middle of the year was, indeed, a jumble. It was adventurous and prosperous, but it came with some life lessons.

The lessons learned? Energy and timing.

Energy is all around me, but it matters what kind of energy I give off too. Timing is acceptance that things happen outside of the plans we make. Two things I thought I understood, but didn't fully. When it came down to it, the mid-2019 experience was stunning in the worst ways, contradicting what I set aside.

Then, the latter part of the year gave way to complete explanation or understanding. I felt that I began to realize why things happened as they had; I had that infamous, 'aha!' moment. I began to replay the year as if everything occurred as I wanted and admitted that it wouldn't have been what I needed. The two terms would never look the same to me again. I became more conscious of energy breeding more energy and looking ahead and not being frustrated with the present. It was so odd: I felt I could progress without setting an expectation.

And here we are. I didn't set expectations; I set more work and planning for myself to get to where I want to be. Even if it takes me another year to feel fulfilled by it.

So, thanks, 2019. You gave me the "tough love" I needed.

Onward,

Jessica