No, this isn't a love letter to my future husband (not hating, I swear).
This is me simply telling you why I stopped planning and started praying...
I overthink to the point of no return. It can literally be about anything: school, the future, or even what I'm going to have for dinner.
Yeah, it can be an OK quality, but most of the time it just drives me insane.
NOW, I can't be the only one who has this master plan laid out for their life.
Graduate college, move off, get a bada** job and a bada** apartment/house to match, travel the world, make lots of money, get married eventually, sounds like the life of an Instagram celeb, right?
Remember me saying how my overthinking drives me insane? I go insane when I think about my life not turning out the way I am planning it out to be.
What if I don't get my dream job? What if I don't make enough money and I can't travel the world? What if.. what if... what if? It runs through my head like a broken record.
Now, I'm going to be brutally honest for a second.
I don't go to church like I should. I forget to read my bible/devotionals. I forget to pray. Honestly the list goes on. So, I sound like an awesome Christian, right? Yeah. Obviously not. But I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes I suck as a child of God. I forget to thank him when I make an A on a test or if I have a really good day. I forget to ask him for help when I run out of money or when I'm extremely stressed out. But that's OK because He still loves me and He reminds me every day by waking me up, keeping me healthy, and continuing to love me when sometimes it seems like no one else does.
It has taken me time and time again to remember to thank God for everything He does for me. I have been through trial and error when I am at my worst day and I want to know why nothing goes right for me.That is when I came to the conclusion that praying is so much more beneficial and satisfactory than planning.
Now, I know you're thinking, "I've heard this before," or "You're not the first person to discuss this topic." That is true. But this new lifestyle change has made me into such a more humble and wholesome person.
I feel so at peace with life. I am not scared. I am not worried. Do I have my wishes? Yes. Does my insane overthinking still control my mind sometimes? Of course. I just have to remember this verse:
"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest".- Matthew 11:28
Yes, it is great to have a dream.
Yes, it is awesome to know what you want to do with your life.
Yes, it is OK for us to decide who, or what our future consists of.
But it is not our job to make plans. God has known what we are going to do for the rest of our lives since the day we were born. Isn't that comforting? To know that, yeah, we will stress, and have worries. That's inevitable. But God will NEVER leave us hanging and leave us in the dark.
Yeah, it scares me that I may never receive the things I have dreamed of. But God's decisions for my life surpass anything and everything I have aspired to have. I think that is one of God's greatest qualities, His mystery. We may never know what God is going to place in our lives until it happens, but you can bet it is better than what you dreamed of.
Whenever my overthinking or stress starts to kick in I always make myself go back to Psalms 9:9:
"The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble."
So,
Dear Life,
Come at me bro.
