So I’m going to be brutally honest and just flat out say it, but I hate the hashtag “relationship goals”. Don’t get me wrong it’s not because I’m some bitter man angry that he’s never had a relationship that he could never experience one of those moments. Although I do admittedly hate the nature of most relationships, which probably sounds pretty hypocritical coming from someone who is actually in a happy committed relationship with another individual, but there will be more on my philosophies of relationships in another article at some other time. But I was actually talking to her about the idea behind a relationship which led me to the idea of wanting to mainstream #healthyrelationship as a replacement for the currently popular #relationshipgoals.

Now just to clarify I don’t hate the idea of relationship goals, I actually think it’s important that you have specific things or goals that you would personally like to have when you’re in a relationship. That being said, I feel like there are 2 big problems with the relationship goals hashtag. The first being it sets up this idea that if you’re relationship doesn’t look like this then it failing as a relationship, when realistically not every relationship can be the same. Because each relationship is comprised of unique individuals who want something different. To some people the idea of romanticism, where you bring each other surprise gifts from time to time, and you got out to have like a semi formal dinner date once a month, is great, that’s what they are looking for in a relationship, and that’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with that. But you shouldn’t paint all relationships to look like this, some relationships are fine just staying in and watching netflix on a regular basis, to them that’s their relationship goal, and there are just come people who don’t usually feel comfortable talking about their relationship publicly, because they prefer more private lives, that doesn’t mean they’re unhappy with their significant other, it just means that it’s different from the norm, but to them it’s still a goal for their relationship.

The second issue with #relationshipgoals is it showcases a positive moment to the outside world, but I’ve seen several that look great on the surface, but it’s actually really toxic to those actually involved in them. In a way it actually puts pressure on them to keep some image intact they’re a perfectly happy even though they’re practically falling apart at the seams. I can tell you from first hand experience that this is in fact a thing. Ultimately, this is why I think use of the # healthyrelationship would be far better replacement, as long as it's used in a way that highlights key aspects of a relationship like communication, trust, etc. Because regardless of what your individual goals might be for a relationship these are key aspects in any relationship to make it work.