"Positive thoughts equal a positive outcome. Negative thoughts equal a negative outcome."
From a young age, this was the motto drilled into my brain by my family. As a young child, I really took this to heart. Bad things happened to people who had bad thoughts. So, negative feelings and emotions were the enemy, which was the message I came to internalize from this saying. And who can blame me? At first glance, the logic seems pretty reasonable.
As I grew older, I became accustomed to hearing other sayings from various places within my community, places like my church and school, echoing the same sentiments. Repeatedly, I was warned to "avoid people with negative energy," and "smile more, act happy." And my personal favorite, "Nobody likes a Debbie downer." And they're right. Generally speaking, nobody likes to hang out with someone who is constantly downcast or carries with them a negative demeanor. As humans, happiness is a trait we all search for; it's universal. Naturally, we are drawn to people who radiate positive energy, or at least seem happy. But as innocent and helpful as these sayings appear, these all-too common tips are far from harmless.
The reality is, nobody is happy at every hour and every second of the day. Life throws curve balls at every single one of us at some point and there will always be that "bad day." But because of my motto, I began to feel like I wasn't allowed to have a bad day. I felt as though I had to be happy all the time, I couldn't let any negative thoughts consume me. But when something inevitably bothered me, I didn't feel like I had a right to feel the way I did. This led to guilt and frustration for feeling anything other than happy. So, whether I was sad, angry or hurt, I kept my emotions in. I continued to avoid my negative thoughts and feelings, tried to shut it out so that I wouldn't alienate myself from other people by seeming unhappy. That lack of acknowledgment and avoidance became my coping mechanism. But in doing so, those bad feelings kept growing, and the only person I was hurting was myself.
In fact, I'm not the only one. Their are many people who choose to suppress their negative emotions, which can have damaging effects. According to mySahana, "Effects of consistent emotion suppression include increased physical stress on your body, including high blood pressure, increased incidence of diabetes and heart disease. In addition, people who engage in emotion suppression regularly rare more likely to experience stiff joints, bone weakness and more illnesses due to lowered immunity." Research has also shown that those who choose to suppress negative emotions in particular are at a much greater risk for experiencing high anxiety and depression later in life.
In a series of studies testing college students, the reports found that "although the use of emotional suppression can be socially beneficial, it can also cause impairment to cognitive functioning." This means a drop in your grades. Not only does avoiding your emotions lead to mental health and cognitive issues, but it can take years off of your life, leading to an earlier death.
It should also be noted that bad days are not exclusive to one specific race, gender, age or identity. Negative emotions can be felt by anyone at any time. However, males in particular are encouraged not to express their emotions, citing the "Man Box" as a tool used to perpetuate emotional suppression.
It's impossible to deal with and overcome negative emotions if you cannot acknowledge that they exist in the first place. I still wholeheartedly believe wallowing in self-pity or bad feelings won't do anyone any good, but complete avoidance and suppression isn't the answer either.
As children, we're encouraged to exercise, get plenty of sleep and eat our vegetables. Why isn't that same level of concern for our overall physical well-being shown for our mental health?
There is an entire range of emotions meant to be felt. And I've come to learn that it's okay to not be okay all the time. Nobody wants to feel pain. But avoiding bad feelings will only make things worse. Those feelings will resurface. We need to promote a society in which we allow people to acknowledge their negative emotions without shame or stigma attached to it. Only then can bad thoughts and feelings be overcome because the road to happiness does not exclude unhappiness.
