We all have those days. Maybe you get excited in Chemistry lecture because you think you know the right answer to the professor’s question, only to be told that you’re entirely wrong. Maybe you’re feeling nice so you buy two vanilla lattes, one for you and one for your roommate, only to spill them all over yourself on the walk back to your dorm. Maybe you drive all the way to the gas station, only to realize you forgot any form of payment at home (and maybe I’ve found myself in one or more of these situations).
Sometimes, it’s natural to think or even vocalize self-critical remarks when things don’t go our ways. It’s so easy to think, “I am just so stupid”, “I can’t do anything right”, or “I hate myself” when we make mistakes. After all, confidently reciting the wrong answer in class can be pretty mortifying. But, criticizing ourselves shouldn’t be our immediate reflex after we mess up. Be aware that excessive self-criticism can be a sign of a mental illness such as major depressive disorder, but many individuals find themselves making self-critical comments in unfavorable situations.
So why do we resort to criticizing ourselves in the first place? It turns out that we may believe our self-critical comments are far more functional than they truly are. Research shows that many of us think, whether consciously or subconsciously, that our self-critical comments and inner monologues somehow encourage us to be better people. We believe that criticizing ourselves will move us toward being more productive individuals who never mess up, but this is entirely wrong. Unfortunately, when we criticize ourselves, we’re actually triggering more feelings of sadness, guilt, shame, frustration, and disappointment.
In a world where judgments about others are frequently passed, it’s disheartening that many of us end up judging ourselves. We shouldn’t be our own worst enemies. Instead, we should be our own best friends. We have to take care of ourselves, stop with the self-negativity, and let our mistakes roll off our shoulders. Basically, we should try to be as resilient as possible. Resilience is defined as the ability to bounce back from or adapt to adverse situations and is considered one of the most important traits that contributes to peak mental health. We can practice being resilient by swallowing our self-critical remarks before they can leave our mouths. Even if we can’t help thinking them sometimes, we should try to hold ourselves back from saying them to people around us. After all, when we say negative things about ourselves to our friends, they're bound to be nothing but confused; they love us no matter what.
Of course, refraining from criticizing ourselves is much easier said than done. It can be difficult to push away unwanted thoughts, but the first step we can take is to accept that nobody’s perfect, no matter how cliché that sounds. Everyone makes mistakes and does “stupid” things sometimes. We’re all human, and none of us are perfect. Accepting this fact will make it easier to be resilient and brush it all off.
Remember this article the next time you start trying to start your car with your house key (I've definitely done this more than once in my life). Don’t be so quick to judge yourself. It’s okay. You’re human, and you're not stupid, not one bit. Move along with your day and try to love yourself the best you can.
