Human connection is a truly wonderful experience when it's genuine. The more unexpected it is, the better the surprise. The problem that can ruin this however is the simple matter of insecurity and flaw we each exhibit.
Sooner or later, we have a habit of becoming too comfortable in our relationships, sometimes to an extent that it's damaging. Sometimes we are the one with the toxic traits, sometimes it is the other party, and all too often, it's actually both.
What is it about the toxic situations we find ourselves in that causes us to run back to them time and time again? Understanding this topic might shed some light to the answer.
We as people tend to cling to what we're familiar with.
The longer you're connected to someone, the harder it is to let go of them, even if they've treated you unfairly on numerous occasions. Now, people make mistakes--it's part of maturing and becoming a better person, after all--but there are differences between unintentional mistakes and going out of your way to hurt somebody even if you know how they care for you.
These days far too many people get in over their heads and rush relationships with other people without stopping to appreciate all of the little things that are offered to them from those they connect with. It's depressing, honestly, but completely avoidable.
On top of that, the longer we're associated with someone on any deep level, the more terrifying the idea of living without them becomes. It's rarely a conscious fear you worry about from day to day, but when things get rocky, it's common to cling on to them and insist there's a solution for them that doesn't involve parting ways.
This can hit hard regardless of whether the relationship in question is romantic or not. It shouldn't be too difficult for anyone to pick out a list of people they would feel lost without.
Don't believe in the "comfort in the panic."
Not every toxic person is aware of what they're doing wrong while others are fully conscious of it. Either way, many of them are prone to latch on to you as soon as you make your intentions of escaping the situation clear.
Leaving a toxic place or person in your life doesn't need to be so personal or permanent. More often than not, the one at fault just needs space and time to think. They don't know who they are yet, and until now no one has pointed out their wrongdoings. Point them in the direction of help, make sure they follow suit, and get yourself out of there.
It's all too easy to go in and out of believing the person has become better without any genuine help or therapy, leading you to stick behind with them even longer and becoming further damaged yourself. In cases like this, the toxicity can find itself leaking into you and then it spreads even further from there.
Maybe one day things can be mended between you once the problems infesting them are no longer a factor, but until then, the best thing you can do is encourage them to find some kind of counseling.
Avoid running back until the problem is gone.
Change is a process and there's no shortcut through it. There's nothing wrong with this, but there is something wrong with finding yourself finding every excuse to either think about or actively pursue the toxicity that started the problem you're experiencing.
Once you encourage a toxic person or group of people to seek some kind of help, you need to remove yourself from the situation. This prevents you from being around if things get even more intense. After finally escaping from the damage this has done to you, you need to find other ways to spend your time that will benefit you, and returning to the toxicity over and over again is one of the least healthy choices you can make during this time.
This doesn't necessarily mean writing someone out of your life for good, but there is nothing wrong with limiting the exposure until the fires have died down, after which the healing process can begin.
Accepting our flaws is how we grow.
It's natural to make mistakes in life. The point of mistakes is to serve as a learning moment for you to understand what was done, why it was wrong, and why it is important to avoid doing the same thing again.
Toxic families, toxic relationships, and fake friends are around every corner these days and you need to protect your heart. Save it for those who genuinely care and continue to wish the best for those who just need time to figure themselves out. Often you will find that this is better in the long run and all parties involved can benefit from the extended separation. You may not want to admit it, but you might need to sort some things out yourself. This is perfectly okay, so long as you acknowledge it and you reach out for help. You might be surprised just how many people around you are willing to offer a supporting hand.
Go into the world. Make mistakes and learn from them.
If you aren't okay, speak up. If someone is hurting you, let them know. If you're unhappy, get out.
If you're the one at fault, let them go. And if you escape, don't keep running back to them.
Get help. Get better.
Live. Your. Life!
