I dropped out of University.
Yep, there it is in big bold letters. But you know what? It was the best decision I’ve ever made for myself, and I have no shame in saying that.
That isn’t to say that higher education isn’t important – It absolutely is. However, it’s not the end-all and be-all either.
School is not more important than your mental and emotional health.
Last year I came to terms with the fact that I couldn’t become a teacher. I couldn’t teach something that I was no longer passionate about. I couldn't let myself become that teacher – the one who coined the term, ‘Those who can’t do: Teach.’ The teacher whose passion seemed to have died a miraculous death, never to be found again.
In an instant, my direction in life was gone. I had no idea what to do with myself – no idea of where I was going, let alone what I wanted to do. Depression and anxiety took control, and my ability to cope and to process anything was completely gone.
So, I decided to drop out of University – and it was the most difficult choice I’ve ever had to make.
My mom didn’t think I would do it. How can you drop out when you’re so close to graduating?
Her initial disappointment when I did leave was palpable. The people closest to me felt the same way. Suck it up, buttercup. You’ve got a year to go – might as well just finish it now!
To say I was struggling is an understatement.
For most students – that’s just the reality. You struggle, but you’re expected to push yourself through on a balanced diet of debt and ramen until you’re able drag yourself across the stage. Everything after that doesn’t matter.
It’s all or nothing.
For a long time, I believed that – which is why making the choice to leave was so difficult. In my mind, I was a failure. But I knew leaving was the right choice. My mental health was taking a toll, and if I ever needed to do one thing for myself in life: that was it.
It turned out to be the best decision I’ve ever made.
Having time to myself allowed me to grow – to make the changes necessary to become the woman I’ve strived so hard to be in the past. Without this time, I wouldn't be a writer. I wouldn't have a clear path. I wouldn't have been able to deal with the issues I needed to confront to make room for a better life – a better future.
It gave me the courage and rejuvenation necessary to finish my degree this year.
There is no shame in taking time off of school to figure things out.
Honestly, I don’t think I would have made it through this year had I stayed – and if I did: I would not have come out stronger.
If you’re struggling, take a deep breath and make the decision that’s best for you – even if it feels impossible; Even if that choice takes you down a longer road.
