From the time we begin to really understand anything, young girls are filled with fantasies of prince charming and happily ever after. Finding a soulmate who will solve all of our problems and be the light of our lives is the ultimate goal. We are told that we need someone to complete us, because for some reason we are made to believe that without this person we are never truly whole.
While this is a seemingly lovely idea, thinking that the person who we will eventually fall in love with will complete us, I think it's actually completely misguided.
I'm sure many of you will disagree and therefore disregard this as a feminist rant about not needing a man written by a young woman who refuses to let guys open my car door--but that is not the case.
I'm all for love and happiness and accepting someone into your life that will make you the best version of yourself. I look to my parents and see the love they have--a tangible, messy, imperfect, beautiful love--and I cannot deny that it does exist. I do believe in this idea of true love, and I hope that one day I will experience something this wondrous.
However, I really do believe that young women try to find this love all too soon in life and for all of the wrong reasons.
I mean think about it. We have been trained to want it based on terrible notions all stemming from being raised in a society that drills so many ridiculous ideas into our heads.
If you're not dating anyone? You need to change yourself and become more attractive. If you're focusing on your career and not marriage? You're a sad workaholic, get laid. And gosh, If you're not married by 30? Well then there must be something wrong with you.
But seriously... how ridiculous is all of this?
Not having a boyfriend (or girlfriend) in no way means that you need to change anything about yourself. You are a perfect version of you just as you are, and any improvements or changes should only come from healthy motives to better yourself. Never change for someone else or think that you aren't good enough for love.
Focusing on your career or life goals is healthy, not sad. Accomplishing things on your own before you find a significant other is so important. To have a sense of fulfillment and truly feel as if your life has meant something comes largely from your personal accomplishments. In pursuing your dreams, career related or not, you are becoming and defining the person you will be. And isn't that what should determine the kind of person you will be with?
And seriously, I am so over answering "no" to the question of "are you seeing anyone?" and being told, "oh, that's okay" with a sad tilt of the head. I KNOW IT'S OKAY. Since when does not having a significant other mean there's something wrong with me? I'm only 20 years old and I'm still in college, I barely have time for me let alone another person. It is so silly to me that we let society dictate when we get into relationships based on age requirements that literally have no real significance. Stop letting people make you feel badly if you're not married, engaged or dating anyone--it really is okay.
Like I said, I think that love is real and it is beautiful, I have no doubt of that. However it is also what happens when we are not searching. It finds us in moments we could never see coming. It arrives in times when we least expect it and knocks us on our asses.
So stop looking, ladies. Start living a life that you can be proud of. Go on that trip with your girlfriends, take that job opportunity that you're scared about and start searching for genuine happiness on your own.
Stop looking for your "missing half" and start building yourself as a whole. Then when you least expect it you will find someone to love you that won't need to complete you, but will instead be just a beautiful addition to the life you have built for yourself.
