I don't feel like dating right now, I just don't. I dated all throughout high school and a year and a half after I graduated. I don't even remember a time when I wasn't completely single - until now. Everyone seems to be getting engaged, or married or have been married and I'm just chilling and living life without a boyfriend - without the desire to go on one simple date. Maybe not so simple, though, right? It's kind of humorous that there can be such a great contrast, a huge gap if you will, between me and the other people that I graduated high school with. Married with a kid. Me? Like I said - figuring out what to watch next on Netflix.
But if you were to ask me if I was in a relationship with pizza, I would say "Oh, absolutely".
And I don't care if that sounds sad or pathetic, because I think it's kind of funny, and that's how I get by right now.
I know that dating is just plain, mindless fun sometimes. But I feel that in this day and age, we've forgotten what "dating" truly is. If a girl or guy goes on ONE date with someone, the other person instantly assumes that they'll end up being in a committed relationship afterwards. But I see it differently. To me, dating is getting to know a bunch of people, and to see what is out there in the big, bad world. It's experimenting with personalities and figuring out what you do and don't like. Dating isn't becoming stuck to one person after one hang out. But alas, in our today's society, that concept has seemingly faded away. It's all about devotion, faithfulness, time limits, "fast answers and no waiting around", kind of thing. Why can't it just be laid back and simple? Why can't it be okay to date four people at once. I did that when I was nineteen, and a lot of people saw it as taboo or whatever. Not really. But hey, that's just me. This is a big reason I don't date, though. I know that so many individuals have that permanent idea in their head. I know not all people are like that, but I've endured way too many experiences where the guy would get too committed after a date or two. Can't they see that I'm just a girl who wants to live, meet people, and enjoy myself? Let's not get carried away, here. It's sad that this is a reason why I have taken a break from dating. I'm not kicking it to the curb for good and returning to my relationship with my pizza (but that would be great!) I'm just not into it right now, and with my luck, I always feel like I'm going to "let some guy down" all because I didn't want something serious. I'm kind of over it. So, I'm not even going to deal with that at all. I'm going to be one hundred percent solo right now.
Okay, so it kind of sucks, yeah. There's a part of me that thinks it would be so much fun to meet people and go on multiple dates and just live. But it'll be there, waiting for me when I am ready. Another reason why I don't want to date right now, is because I'm kind of distracted by something else. Yes, life. I'm distracted by life because at 21-years-old, I am not caught up in it's intriguing ways. There's so much out there besides guys and dating! I think I spent so much time worrying about boys and relationships and love when I was in high school and a little bit after, that I didn't see the true beauty of what was in front of me - my passions, and discovering new ones, too. I'm finally free. I for once have this break time, and there is nothing in my way. A girl like me can't just push that aside - I wander towards it. I've been focusing a lot of my attention on my writing, and just writing whatever i want. I'll be honest - I'm not working on a great novel right now, but I am writing a few narrative pieces and have potential ideas for screenplays for someday short films. I have also discovered that I like comic books and the different art forms, a lot. Of course anyone who knows me, knows I love Scott Pilgrim. I've become so submersed in the art style in the comics, however, that I delved deeper into comics. I started doodling, and making my own characters and thought "hey! I should just start my own comic series". It's exciting when you find a new outlet for expressing yourself and creating new stories. I'm a huge supporter in that discovering a new passion is big thing. A really big thing, in fact. So I have been working off and on with that. Another thing I've been doing, is just journaling and writing whatever comes to mind and makes me happy. It's a real comfortable thing, and it makes me feel content. What's so eye opening about taking this time solely for myself, is that I didn't see it before. Little did I know that there were other things about life that made it so incredibly besides finding a boy and falling in love. I'm falling in love with other outlets of creativity, as well as finally working toward loving myself more, too. I mean, isn't that what this journey is all about before settling down? I'm so excited.
College is all about finding yourself. Yeah, yeah, I rock at over-using cliches, don't I? But whatever. It's too real to pretend I'm not right about that. College really is. They say that high school is the greatest four years of your life, and that you find out so much about yourself. While that is true - minus the high school being the greatest four years of your life - I firmly believe that college is the time where everything starts to unfold and you really begin to surprise yourself. You're given this new found freedom and independence, and that allows you to open your eyes and take risks and see what is out there. It's the beginning to your life. I want to grasp this moment and hold onto it as long as I can, and I don't want to waste a second. I'm too far in deep to worry about relationships, guys, dating.
On a side note, I just want to add something so you don't think I'm all anti-romance and all of that. On the contrary, I am one of the biggest romantics you will ever meet. Ever. Just because I don't want to go on some date, doesn't mean I don't have a soul or don't want to fall in love. Falling in love is beautiful, and I've fallen in love once before, and it was unlike anything I had ever experienced. (Granted I was fifteen, but still, love is love) I do want that someday. I really do. But right now, I have to get back to what I missed for so long. Me and my own interests - the things that make me happy so I can be my full self later when I want to be ready to date again. I want to be prepared, and I am waiting so the experiences can be better than ever. I don't want to half feel. I want to feel it all.
Do I feel left out? Awkward? On the outskirts? Hell yes I do. I feel like everyone is in a relationship or getting married or settling down even, and I'm over here trying to figure myself out and what I want, and who I want to be. I'm still a human, and I'm still a girl who wants to love and be loved. It's hard to watch those around you find that kind of happiness. But then I remember that I'm going to be okay and ultimately, what I want is to be single right now. No nonsense, nothing. I want to focus on me, making friends, meeting people, and to learn more about the world. When I'm ready, I will date, meet someone who makes me feel like the luckiest person on the planet and fall in love. I think it's hard to say "Okay, I'm going to just do me" while in college because there is that ever prevalent stigma of dating, and that meeting people in college equal dating, as well as making friends. Because, being a young adult and making new experiences comes with that. We're at the age where we want to meet people and fall in love. But there is still that gray area of "It's okay not to. It's okay to say "no" for awhile and to just sit on the couch and eat ice cream for the night. Focus on school, get your grade point average up, look at studying abroad, make money at a part time job so you can pay off your stupid college loans and really be happy someday. I know I'm dragging this out, but this is my answer to you. As long as you're happy in college, and for the rest of your life, then that is what is important. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, and I sure don't plan to. Just because I'm in my early-twenties doesn't mean I am "at that age where I should really start dating". I'll start when I want to. I have a few adventures of my own right now. So that's that. 
